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Teen Poetry #4
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Allan Riverwood
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0 posted 2001-03-20 11:14 PM


crawling relentlessly out of the ground
taking the lead to a lonely parade
hush, little baby, do not make a sound
hush, little baby, do not be afraid


crawling, advancing, a toddler's toil
scorning my parents, and doing without
learning to walk, in the dark of the soil
learning to talk, in the silence about

cutting the pathway, a hole in the dark
squinting my eyes at the villainous light
swinging my claws in a primitive arc
swinging my claws, as a toddler's right

surfacing sadly, into the abyss
looking about, with my blind, beady eyes
taking deep breaths, remembering this,
taking deep breaths, inhaling the skies

incubate me, my crystalline cradle
be my abode, my shelter and land
feed me the souls of the dead with a ladle
feed me nutrition by cold, loving hand


crawling relentlessly out of the ground
taking the lead to a lonely parade
hush, little baby, do not make a sound
hush, little baby, do not be afraid


[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 03-21-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
Greeneyes617
Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329
Arkansas
1 posted 2001-03-21 12:21 PM


This is very interesting...I have only read a few of the others in your Crystal Catacombs series. I think this is my favorite. You are very talented.

~*Malinda*~

fractal007
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since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

2 posted 2001-03-21 04:23 AM


This was truly the most impressive poem I've seen thus far in this series. I loved the repetition combined with the vivid imagery and sensory appeal. This made quite an impressive combination.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Fading Away
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Lynchburg, Virginia
3 posted 2001-03-21 12:04 PM


Wow, Allan! WONDERFUL job. This is one of the best I've read from you. Very nicely done

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Dopey Dope
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San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-03-21 01:45 PM


Nicely done here Allan! I truly enjoyed this read.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Elvenblood
Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409
Maine, USA
5 posted 2001-03-21 07:50 PM


Hey Allan, it's "ok" for just "anything" lol ;-)

"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK

LoveBug
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6 posted 2001-03-21 08:27 PM


"incubate me, my crystalline cradle
be my abode, my shelter and land
feed me the souls of the dead with a ladle
feed me nutrition by cold, loving hand"

Allan, I love everything in this piece. The imagery and the symbolism are so strong. The structure and flow are also well done. Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

fozzyozzy
Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia
7 posted 2001-03-21 10:34 PM


I love how you can just put yourself in the most strange of situations and still be able to write. My admiration goes to you Allan.
Peace Out

"The heart can think of no devotion
Greater than being shore to ocean
Holding the curve of one position
Counting an endless repetition"
-

anonymousfemale
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
8 posted 2001-03-22 08:17 AM


Allan, this is the most stupendous piece of writing I do believe I have ever read before in my life. Your rhyme scheme was excellent and the usage of repetition really accentuated the depth and dramatic sting. The format suited the piece extremely well, as any ordinary poem wouldn't have gone down quite as well as a song.

This would have to be my favourite Crystal Catacombs entry out of the entire series. If something like this can make me smile, "feed me the souls of the dead with a ladle" you've got me hooked. Definitely a library piece.

Keep them coming, Mr Riverwood.

~AF~

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."
-W. Edwards Deming

Allan Riverwood
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9 posted 2001-03-23 11:51 AM


Thanks for the replies, everyone! This is definitely a very entertaining series for me to be writing. I am glad it is going well for all of you too.
I'll post the next entry in a few days, so be patient!
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort


Child of the Stars
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Ann Arbor, MI
10 posted 2001-03-24 05:38 PM


Well well well...Lookie lookie heah!! Cawly's wepwying! Once again, I'm left in awe.......
~Carly

"The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake."
- Leonardo da Vinci

Acies
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
11 posted 2001-03-31 04:09 PM


not bad Allan, not bad at all  
Sounds like an Eric Clapton song
keep sharing
by the way, I'd prefer an MP3 of the song  

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175
VA
12 posted 2001-03-31 08:51 PM


I'm in a funny mood don't mind me but the first thing that popped into my head was Lullaby!!! sorry I know it would make one freaky lullaby so would you sing it to me someday ;p jk but it was amazing you are oozing and dripping with talent I so want your autograph asap *giggles* I wish I was just as amazing as you are...

Tmd,
Kristen

"Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night"

~Crash and Burn~

Allan Riverwood
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Winnipeg
13 posted 2001-03-31 09:19 PM


haha... bumping earlier parts of the series... you guys are all nuts.  now I'm going to confuse people!  
Linc
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The Backstreet Boy
14 posted 2001-03-31 11:10 PM


Great gob, oh and nice pic  

    -- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Poet on Acid
Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325
Florida, USA
15 posted 2001-04-01 12:55 PM


Dude...YOUR BETTER THAN ME!!!! THAT IS SO UNFAIR!! Ok so it doesn't take much to be better than me but still... anyways great work as usual though with you i severly doubt any of this is work..

>¶Øʆ<

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navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #4 » Crystal Catacombs - Ascension Song (entry 6)

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