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Teen Poetry #4
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Devil Devil
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Devil Devil |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Dance with me, Set me free, Let me see, Devil Devil, Dance with me, Come to me I want to see, Devil Devil, Dance with me, Run with me Be one with me Devil Devil, Dance with me, You’re the key I need to see, Devil Devil, Dance with me, Help me flee My jubilee Devil Devil, Dance with me, I need to see, I’ve got to see, What it is you’ve done to me. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Adam Kamerer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Hey, this would make the coolest metal song! lol My bro's gonna flip when he sees it, he'll go off and start writing down tabs, anyway, thanks for posting. "Some men see things as they are and say why. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
"Devil Devil Dance with me, You’re the key I need to see," Fantastic..Need I say more about how I feel?  ~AF~ "It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory." |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I'm really impressed with the style and rhyme scheme in this one... GREAT job... --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought this was very interesting. The scheme didn't appeal to me much but I found it to be quite creative. Very nice.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Ohh... this was great. I'll agree with Bryan, it would make a spiffy Metal song.  The italics helped it out a lot for some reason. I heard a faint hiss in my mind, as the voice... or maybe that's just my sick brain.  ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Heh..I intended the italics to give the reader that feeling. I've found the poem is best read in a hoarse whisper, at a pretty fast speed, without giving much a pause on the stanzas that don't have commas. This is one of my favorites that I've done. Thanks for the comments. |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
I agree that it is wonderful. It has a certain "hey look I'm here" type thing. I really like the last stanza by the way. ~*~Jesilyn~*~ and to Allan, it's the voices...it's the voices!! "Tell me why you cry" |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
you did good. I didn't like the devil part that much though. keep sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
I don't mean Devil as in Satan, and such, if you believe in that. I meant Devil as in the form of the word that means a mischievious spirit. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Nice job with this one, it is creative as allan said. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" |
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