The Role of the Revolutionary

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Elvenblood
Member

since 2001-02-17

Posts 409
Maine, USA

0 posted 2001-03-19 06:10 PM

Sitting in darkness, forgotten thoughts strewn
Clothed in shadows, my mind forms a cocoon
Speaking mute prayers to the wraithlike frost
Remembering the past times, the line crossed

Rocking back, to the ways I left behind
Forward, to sweet oblivion, I’m blind
Left to dogs of war and fear of my find
Right back where I was: the end of mankind

I realize now that all hope is lost
I’m there with the rest, to clean the exhaust
The greatest lives are never to be free
They and I revere the screaming banshee

This life and those are destined to be waste
The ants down one can be many replaced
They will be shocked when their destiny faced
Because their lives have been padded and laced

The fools mask does more than change his degree
It makes it so the world, he cannot see
So now mankind is not worthy of I
And the ones who truly know don’t ask why

By forsaking my life my fate I bind
My given purpose is to save youth’s mind
To end thoughts that are evil and maligned
With the help of those to which I’m entwined

So here now my endless final goodbye
With all my will and power I defy
The hatred of this world will never win
It’s loss will come from without and within

Victory of scale comes with bitter taste
This berth from humanity I have spaced
With one purpose only, here I was placed
That purpose recognized, I then embraced

Then, in the morning, see evil’s chagrin
The beginning of its end will begin
And life will begin with a brand new tune
But shadows arise as fast as the moon

Another will arise to take my helm
Another light born of the shadow’s realm
Another the darkness can’t overwhelm
Another to plant the seeds – of the next great Elm

"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

1 posted 2001-03-19 06:20 PM

Hey,

This poem was GREAT I loved it keep up the good work

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-03-19 07:58 PM

Nicely done, kind of long but it was worth the read. I thought you did quite well on it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

3 posted 2001-03-20 09:38 AM

boy, oh boy, did I enjoy reading this one. I was listening to Bach's double violen concerto and it made all the difference in the world.

Your second stanza was really captivating. Your imagery - simply sensational.

This is a personal favourite from you. This should be at the top of the list.

~AF~

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."
-W. Edwards Deming

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-03-20 09:47 AM

This is kind of long, but it was very well written. Great job. Keep posting!

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Elvenblood
Member

since 2001-02-17

Posts 409
Maine, USA

5 posted 2001-03-20 02:41 PM

I usually don't writw short poems well - or ones that I like. I detail things, explain them infinitely. This poem's not much more than 300 words. My longest was this massive, 1500 word epic, and most of mine are between 4 and 5 hundred. Anyway, just saying! And thanks all - I enjoyed writing this.

"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

6 posted 2001-03-20 10:01 PM

Ahh... I'll agree it was a bit long.
Try to make the syllables a bit closer, to help the flow. Or maybe even use some meter.

Yes, I know how you hate these technical critiques. Why do you think I'm making them?

The thoughts in the poem were good... the scheme simple, and the last stanza very well done.
Good job overall, Bryan.
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-03-26 07:30 PM

a bit too long
you have good rhyming
good job Elvenblood
keep sharing
next time alittle horter though

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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