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Teen Poetry #4
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Hallucination
Member
since 2001-03-18
Posts 419


0 posted 2001-03-19 03:21 PM


Pretty young girl walking down the street
with every step she takes,
I can feel my heart beat.
As she turns the corner she smiles at me
I hear a vouce say,
she's whats missing in me.

Pretty young girl dressed in shinny red
if she should slip away,
I'd be better of dead.
I see the ocean blue color in her eyes
my heart starts to burn,
she's always on my mind.

Pretty young girl leaves a trail in the snow
now just let me prove,
that there's no reason to go.
No matter how much it rains she always smiles
just to see her happy,
I will walk a thousand miles.

© Copyright 2001 Brian Eggertsen - All Rights Reserved
Elvenblood
Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409
Maine, USA
1 posted 2001-03-19 05:41 PM


Wow, you have sch a talent. I love your work! you're going on my authors list!!

"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733

2 posted 2001-03-19 06:32 PM


Wow, this is GREAT. I love the repetition. Good job

Bel

Linc
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Senior Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy
3 posted 2001-03-19 06:44 PM


Hey,

Yeah, this is really good and I think your a great poet. I hope to see more of your poetry. Until next poem

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-03-19 08:06 PM


This one was not as good as some of your others, but I did like the poem. Hope to see more.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
5 posted 2001-03-20 01:04 PM


Another outstanding poem from you! I'm impressed! Great work.

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
6 posted 2001-03-20 10:11 PM


Pretty young girls tend to do this to a person. What is it about pretty young girls?
And did you mean "attractive young girl," or "moderately young girl?"
This kinda ruined the whole poem for me.
Clear this up for some of us!
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort


Acies
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-03-26 07:44 PM


Very uplifting poem actually
easy to read, not like the rest I've read today
i like it alot
good job

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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