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Teen Poetry #4
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The Melting Clock
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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The Melting Clock |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
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Open the doorway and enter the frost Moisten your lips, try to mourn for the lost Skin starts to peel; pick and tear and the scar Nibble on consiousness left at the bar... Throw a melting clock into the sun; toss the key away Take the world between your fingertips And grimace as it crumbles, giggle as you stumble, Wading deep within your grip... Hand the man another Andrew Jackson Grin while you kiss an addiction begun Lick it clean, the lovely dirt she's wearing Forget the sane ones, screaming and staring... Throw a melting clock into the sun; toss the key away Take the world between your fingertips And grimace as it crumbles, giggle as you stumble, Fading fast from Princess lips... Smash the tiara lost under your bed (Dad wanted it worn the day you were wed) Too late for return, far too late for goodbyes Welcome, Princess, to your lifetime of sighs... Throw a melting clock into the sun; toss the key away Take the world between your fingertips And whimper, plead for life to stay... Note: This was written a few days after viewing a painting by a really cool artist, tho I can't remember his name...He had melting clocks in the painting....so yeh..Hope ya liked it...  Peace. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Voiceless Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686Under the stars upon the wind |
"The Presence of Memory" Salvador Dahli I believe..... Well done!
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
You got all of that from "The Presence of Memory"?! Wow. My favorite part of this is the repetition. It made me re-read it a couple of times. "The woods are lovely, dark, and deep |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
uhm...whoa....that was heavy. Deep...whatever word you wanna use. Thats some nice work. Keep it up. >¶Øʆ< |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a very deep piece. Very beautiful though... I really like the way you used the italics. Nice job. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I really liked this one. I don't know what exactly hit me about it. Repetition was awesome.Metaphors were awesome. This is going in my library! Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Carly this was truly amazing. All this inspired from a well known painting! You've managed to capture its essence well. The poem kind of sounded like a song to me, the italasized words rang like a chorus and the rest was the verse. Anyhow, I simply loved this! Keep writing cuz I'll keep reading!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Wow Carly. I have never known a poet to be able to get so much out of such a wonderful painting. What you have described and what you have captured falls nothing short of brilliant and amazing and every other word you want to use to call it. This comes very close to being one of the best poems I have ever read in here. Well done. This is an excellently written piece. ~AF~ "It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory." |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
allright! I love that painting, but I can't remember who it's by, I'm pretty sure though, it's called not Presence or Memory, but Persistence of Memory. Great poem though, and I thought of the painting when I saw the title! "Some men see things as they are and say why. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Awww thanks you guys for your replies so far (yes I'm very greedy and want millions more..) I'll find the painting's name for sure when I go to art class tomorrow, yayness! Thanks for the wonderful compliments, all. Oh yeh and Javi, you're doing a mahvuhluss job with yer Mod position. Thanks again everyone!! You peeps are THE DEFINITION of cool!~Carly "The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake." - Leonardo da Vinci [This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (edited 03-19-2001).] |
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
AWESOME! I love it....Plus I know the painting you are talking about. I have a copy of it up in my room. He is my favorite. You did a wonderful job on this. |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, I don't know which painting your talking about but I do know the painter. I love his work. This is a great pome, keep up the great work. -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
Wow~this was very impressive. one of my favs by you...great job *dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
you are amazing... 'nuff said Jason |
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Morouxshi San Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207San Juan, Puerto Rico |
i loved it carly, heh, Dali would be smiling San, the wise |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Oh yeah, as I told you before, Carly, this poem RAWKS quite a lot.  You rule, no question in my mind. Can't wait to  more! ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I wouldn't be surprised to see a book named... "Poems by Carly Van Dort" ...in the future "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Awww thanks guys...I love ya'll....and the official title of the painting: The Persistance of Memory by Salvador Dali Thanks again!~Carly "The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake." |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
that painting is liek my second faveorite of all time!! thsi poem is great! very deep. i love it! -=Pixie=- -=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=- |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
deep and very impressive great job on this |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
*bump*page one.. i know i was the last to reply to this great piece but i'll be the one to reply to it the first on page one  ..hehe...yea..awesome poem once again carly  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-30-2001).] |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Al, you are one weird kid.  "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran |
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