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Teen Poetry #4
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fozzyozzy
Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

0 posted 2001-03-17 11:04 PM


Millions of Miles

A million miles of ocean current
Wash over a text I cannot see
I believe the secret of life
Lies beneath a dark sea

Have you learned anything new
Cursed with the mind
That has always been you

Millions of miles of ocean wash over me
The secret of life still hidden beneath the sea
Is knowledge so difficult to obtain
When such importance
Is washed away by cold rain

Millions of miles of ocean
Yet still I cannot see
Just what the secret of life
Is to me

I won't be able to read
What the God has left me
Alas I cannot reach the secret of life
Hidden deep beneath the sea.
----------------------------------
Someone help me! I'm a postaholic !

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep"
-Robert Frost

© Copyright 2001 Sean Michael DeFlora - All Rights Reserved
Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
1 posted 2001-03-18 12:10 PM


Post all you want. I'm not complaining.
This is just another example of your magnificent work. I personally liked this one a great deal.
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort


Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2001-03-18 12:28 PM


I thought you did quite well. Very good poem.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
3 posted 2001-03-23 07:05 PM


You did a good job, but I have one comment: repitition is good, but it's better if we don't use it as the climax of the poem. Thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
4 posted 2001-03-23 08:04 PM


Another job well done... Nicely written. Good job

--Marie

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