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Teen Poetry #4
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Sonnet I
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Sonnet I |
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Ses Junior Member
since 2001-03-16
Posts 14The Mountain State |
What do you do when you’ve lost your best friend, When the only one you talked do has disappeared? I thought that this friendship could never end, I thought the friendship we have was endeared. You love her, and I know that’s true, But I need you now more than ever. Through it all, our friendship has grew, Last year, we said “Friends Forever”. John, we’ll always be friends, And you know that’s true. No matter how many boyfriends, In my heart, my #1 is always you. I’ll have to be leaving soon, But I’ll be back next year, at noon. [This message has been edited by Ses (edited 03-17-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Tamma M. Offenstein - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Ohh, this hit home. Thakns for posting it, and it should have replies already, but oh well, keep posting. "Some men see things as they are and say why. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Good job on this, but it wasn't exactly in sonnet format. I only just learned all of this myself awhile ago, so anyone feel free to correct me. A sonnet has to be written in iambic pentameter. This sounds confusing, but really isn't. Your first line did this perfectly, so I'll use it as an example. "What do you do when you’ve lost your best friend" It's ten syllables, alternating between strong and soft sounds. (I don't remember the official terms for it) Well just read this line out loud to yourself a few times, and try writing more ten-syllable lines to see if you can match the flow of how it is said. Of course, ten syllables doesn't cut it. It has to read the same way too, flow-wise. Here's an example- "What do you do when you’ve lost your best friend" <---- Iambic Pentameter. "Disassociative alligators" <------- NOT Iambic pentameter. Can you feel the difference as you read through these? Well that's the end of my lesson. I loved the poem, but just wanted to clarify something about iambic pentameter. Class dismissed.  ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
*throws a paper ball at the teacher's head* I thought this was written well. Even if it wasn't written in a correct Sonnet form I am going to have to say that I thought the poem itself was written well. I hope to see more from you.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Ses Junior Member
since 2001-03-16
Posts 14The Mountain State |
I'd hate to tell ya this, but according to my English teacher, it IS correct. I used the English sonnet, rather than the "standard" one |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Whether it's in "correct" sonnet form or not, this is one that is very well written. I like it a lot. Good job. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I think you did a good job Ses Well expressed sonnet Allan is describing to you old English sonnets If you look at Shakespeare's work, it's formatted the way Allan has explained but, as you have said, i guess there are other veriations of sonnets That's why we're all here, we're suppose to learn from each other thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Although form is important, it isn't the most important part of a poem. Someone pointed this out to me yesterday  . Anyway, your feelings are expressed very well. Thanks for sharing. "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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