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Teen Poetry #4
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Perfect World (two senryus... which one is the right one?)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Perfect World (two senryus... which one is the right one?) |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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#1- in a perfect world nothing's lost and nothing's gained all remains the same #2- in a perfect world nothing said is ever wrong you and I just smile (wrote these both... hmm... well perfection can only be one thing. I'm conflicted... which one is the truth? help me out here. ~Allan) |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
Allan, they were good, wasnt quite sure which one meant what..but they were good! I liked them..short and easy. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Allan, Your first senryu, where nothing is lost and nothing is gained means that you are living a life of emptiness. You have nothing to gain from life therefore doing anything would be pointless. Also having nothing to lose is just like having nothing to gain. For if you have nothing how can you lose it? Another, why would you want life to remain the same? Nothing would ever differ and there would be no extremities. No insanity, no living life to the fullest because like you said 'Nothing is lost and nothing is gained'. To gain something means to acquire or to obtain. How you can obtain something if all your surroundings in this perfect world remain unchanged in all aspects of life? This can be used for the loss also. The other side of the coin may be that because you know nothing more than what you already do, you have no craving for that little extra slice. This is where the saying 'Ignorance is bliss' comes into play quite nicely. For the simple reason that what you don't know, doesn't hurt you. But I won't go into that seeing how it totally contradicts what I was saying above.  Now, the second senryu, 'Nothing is ever said wrong, you and I just smile.' This would be a perfect world for someone with blinkers on their eyes! It is obvious that this would have to apply to someone in love because anyone out of love would not be so totally unaware to the fact that not every single word that escapes your lips will be what another person wants to hear. To just smile at every statement is almost like turning a blind eye. How can someone live his or her life like that? How would you have a full conversation with another human being if all your verbal expression cannot be disagreed with to have a conflicting opinion? Sure. It's all grand and marvellous if all you want to achieve is pure conformity but otherwise, it is just ludicrous. OK, I do believe I have spent enough time on this. Hope you didn't mind my honesty too much Allan. The thing is there is no such thing as a perfect world. All perfection will have a flaw in it eventually. Just like there is no perfect relationship and no such thing as a perfect way to live your life. If you start creating worlds like this, you have to start creating the perfect people in which to fill it. THEN you have to start defining the right human behaviour, looks etc. Yeah that's enough out of me. Stopping…now. Ignore the total psycho-babble.  ~AF~ "To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!" Homer Simpson |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
I have to agree with annonymous on the first one, but I like the second one. If people didn't take things the wrong way, and we did more smiling, the world would be a better place. Thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Tamma
since 2000-01-17
Posts 794In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV |
In a perfect world you do need change...or everything would get rather boring...Would you want to live every day IDENTICAL to the last, I like both senrys, so its hard for me to chose, but then again, I also believe that in a "perfect life" Joe would have never left me, and the rest of my family wouldn't be soooooo far away.  Oh yea, I ve decided to stay another week or two, to see how things go. i dont know if i should cry because its over, or smile because it happened |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I don't think it's either of them. A perfect world doesn't exist.......I am an idealist, but I refuse to believe in a concept that could be reached in real life in accordance to the WHOLE WORLD. Perfection is a concept we strive for.......uh.....ok I'd have to really delve within my thoughts.......if any of you actually care to hear them just ask a question cuz I really don't wanna write something long and nobody care.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I agree with Dopey. A perfect world doesn't exist because we are all different. Technically, if the world were "perfect" it would have to be a physically constant substance, that has no variations within. We'd just be a big blob, in other words. I wrote these 'cause I am nuts, not 'cause it's what I believe. Far from it. ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Yup. "The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake." - Leonardo da Vinci |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
See? Carly agrees.   If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Yep......I think we'd all agree on that account......and if not.....then let's starts a discussion on it in here......i'd like to see some point of views as to WHAT the perfect world is, that is, if you believe in one.... I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Well.. you already told me these senryus and I believe you know my aspect on them. Good job on these once again although both are very bad lies. Things will get better just be happy with what has come your way today, and keep living for what may come the next.~ By Amanda inspired by Brian |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I don't think there could ever be a perfect world. Even if there was, that would get boring. Both were lies, or maybe dreams. But I enjoyed the first one more. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
lol whoa~ some pretty explosive replies up there. great job..and to me, the first one makes more sense..but seeing as perfectionism doesn't exist, looks like neither one are "right" *dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ [This message has been edited by DancinQueen (edited 03-15-2001).] |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Wow.. lots of replies! Sorry it took so long to get to this one, but awesome job. I think you've become th king on senryus!! Awesome job. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
If the world is perfect, I honestly think that no one would even realize it. How would one know the definition of a perfect world when he hasn't seen one that isn't? "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
You're right acire....but regardless it'd still be the perfect world in OUR eyes if we just like......got a spaceship and landed there. Anyhow....I guess we're speaking of a world that WE see....that WE create and so on. We create it with the consciousness of what an imperfect world is, and thus know what a perfect world could hold. I am against that thought though, does anybody know what a perfect world would hold, and if they did wouldn't it be a subjective opinion based on their preference? Anyhow, yea...haha I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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