navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #4 » endless love ended
Teen Poetry #4
Post A Reply Post New Topic endless love ended Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Empty tears
Member
since 2001-03-12
Posts 64


0 posted 2001-03-12 08:32 PM


Our endless love has ended
I dont know what to do
Should i try to revive the fire
or try to get over you

our endless love has ended
and i dont know what to say
except that i truly hope our paths
will meet again someday

And if our paths should meet again
i only hope and pray
that when our paths should meet again
they'll meet again to stay.

Perhaps ill always love you
perhaps this love will end
but only when i cease to love you
can my heart begin to mend

© Copyright 2001 Brittany Mcpeak - All Rights Reserved
Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
1 posted 2001-03-12 08:37 PM


Interesting poem. I'm curious, how long have you been writing for? Please do not take this the wrong way, but your technique seems young.
This is better than your previous one, in my opinion. You used good repitition in it. The scheme was very simple and had a great flow.
Good job again.
~Allan


If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort



[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 03-12-2001).]

shadowmere
Junior Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 11
Ohio, USA
2 posted 2001-03-12 08:39 PM


Hey, nice poem. However, I disagree with your use of love...as shakespear said "love is a marriage of true minds" and if it was ever love to begin with...then it would never cease. Nice job.

Can it be so that you’ve been so ignorant or am I just another soul, in loves mad torrent?

Elvenblood
Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409
Maine, USA
3 posted 2001-03-12 08:39 PM


Sounds like that heart'll be wide open for a while. It goes that way for some reason. Well, I hope you find happiness, and love.

"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK

WaitN4AnAngel
Junior Member
since 2001-03-08
Posts 37
I wish I knew where I was...
4 posted 2001-03-13 08:47 AM


Another good poem. I must admit I liked the other one better, but this one makes you wonder if there is such a thing as endless love. Great topic!!

*Me*

*If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
*A smile is a curve that straightens out a lot of things*

Tears of Glass
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 182
Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure
5 posted 2001-03-13 09:19 AM


This is a good poem. I agree with Allan on this one though. I can't say I know how you feel, but I hope things get better...

*Jennifer

"My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see."

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2001-03-13 06:34 PM


NIcely done here.........I liked it. I thought you did well for what you were tryin to say.
Keep reading here and your bound to learn some new tricks of the trade......not sayin yer bad cuz yer not......I'm just sayin you learn a lot of stuff by reading all the wonderful poets here.
Hope to see you around more.


I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-03-16 07:10 PM


I enjoyed the read
yes, it's in simple form as Allan said, but i like it cause i understood each line
you thoughts were expressed cleary
thanks for the share


"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
8 posted 2001-03-16 08:01 PM


Very expressive poem... I like it. Very well written.

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

9 posted 2001-03-16 08:06 PM


Yes, this is heartbreaking, and very very sincere.

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee


Linc
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy
10 posted 2001-03-16 10:19 PM


Hey,

Yes, this is a great poem very well written I enjoyed reading it and its going to my library. Hope to see more of your work. Until then

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Marshalzu
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
11 posted 2001-03-17 10:53 AM


This was great, I really liked your ryhming style. Keep up the good work.
Zu

Love is a friendship caught on fire.

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #4 » endless love ended

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary