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Teen Poetry #4
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Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2001-03-10 11:33 PM


NOTE: This is a song......I just didn't want to put it on the title there on the main page cuz some people don't like songs....so I've tricked you all! Mwhaha! No wait, don't click the BACK botton! You've come this far, might as well read it!


Two Rip:


You've said it all before
In the eyes of a sore.
It's just all that you are,
And we're nothing.

You cried out for more.
The rich for rich and the poor for poor.
And oh you've done it again.
Rip my heart in two.

In two x2
Into you.

Weary welcome from your lip.
Thirsty soul that I must sip.
Hey now, that's just the way
Things turn out here.

In two x2
Into you.

Wishing for that lusty smile,
And all along the while.
You were with him.
You've done it again.
Rip my heart in two.

In two x2
Into you.




I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

© Copyright 2001 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved
Angel in Flight
Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381

1 posted 2001-03-10 11:42 PM


Dopey~ I loved the song it was very powerful stuff and I just had to laugh at your little note at the top after reading that I had to read the rest. Magnificent job on this!! into the library

The law of harvest is to reap more than you sow.Sow a habit and you reap a character.Sow a character and you reap a destiny

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
2 posted 2001-03-11 12:26 PM


Um..is this a good time to say I clicked back but then returned anyway?

It was a very good piece but I didn't particulary like it all that much. Make sure you keep posting those songs though.

~AF~


"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"
Homer Simpson

ethel lahootie
Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 143
SC, USA
3 posted 2001-03-12 06:43 PM


i liked this...i think lots of people have felt this way before
~ethel~

Allan Riverwood
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since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
4 posted 2001-03-12 06:48 PM


Good job, Javier! I love the way you did the "in two, in two, into you." Had a neat ring to it.
Very creative song.
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort


Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733

5 posted 2001-03-12 09:02 PM


There ya go once again making everything I write seem soooooo bad compared to yours. UGH!! The nerve . Anyway, great, as always. How does it sound when u sing it? I'll have to try that-wait-no, I can't sing well.hmm....
Bel

Angelwings
Member
since 1999-08-27
Posts 222
IL, USA
6 posted 2001-03-13 02:49 AM


Good post! Although it may be a song, most of my songs begin as poetry. Continue to post please.
sweetstuff101
Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375
OK, USA
7 posted 2001-03-13 08:18 AM


aaaaaw I luv it!! Great job on this one!! But I gotta go to school now...so peace out!! Keep writing!!!

Much Luv,
~*~Priscilla~*~


How come it is so easy for a person to say "I hate you," but it is so difficult for someone to say "I love you" and really mean it????


Child of the Stars
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since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
8 posted 2001-03-13 03:13 PM


Very very very nice. I REALLY liked this. Libary. (there's no R in libary, you know) I loved the "in two, in two, into you" thingy like madd. Don't worry, drive happy....wooo wooo woo etc etc.

"The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake."
- Leonardo da Vinci

Allysa
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since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
9 posted 2001-03-13 03:29 PM


First of all, how could anyone not like songs???????? that makes me wanna cry ANyways, now that i've gotten that out of my system, this is an awesome song, Dopey! You are so awesome! You kick so much butt like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Okay, I've lost my mind, so I'm a stop now. I love u!

I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't.

Life is what happens when you're making ot

Crash&Burn
Member
since 2001-01-18
Posts 119

10 posted 2001-03-13 04:53 PM


lol well the chicks seem to like it...good song...got a nice ring to it...I'd like to hear you sing it HA....:-รพ
Oh well it's got a catchy tone hey who knows some day it might be in some lame video somewhere in the world, best of luck to you my friend.



I see the darkness coming all is bleak...

Acies
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
11 posted 2001-03-16 05:36 PM


so, when am I gonna get the MP3s I've been asking for?

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Fading Away
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since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
12 posted 2001-03-16 06:55 PM


Wow! This is awesome! I'm sorry I didn't catch it the first time around... VERY nice post, and great song! This one's going into my library!

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

13 posted 2001-03-16 08:08 PM


Felt a lot of pain in this one. A very honest gut wrenching post.
Thank you also for the kind words on my thread in feelings, I appreciate those words more than you'll ever know.

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee


Linc
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Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy
14 posted 2001-03-16 10:15 PM


Hey,

I like songs hehe its great I liked it. Until youe next poem or song

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
15 posted 2001-03-17 01:09 PM


Thank you for everything you've said......means a lot to me everybody. Hope to see you all soon and I'll be posting another one up......uh.........in a year!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Silver Butterfly
Junior Member
since 2001-03-13
Posts 42
Between here and the end
16 posted 2001-03-19 02:41 PM


Hi... me again. Liked your song or poem or whatever you said it was. One suggestion, 'the rich for the rich and the poor for the poor' line was good, but messed up your rhythm. Okay. Ciao

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
17 posted 2001-03-19 05:23 PM


I disagree.......within a song certain words can be said REALLY quickly or slowly to make the flow smoothen out. That specific line would have gone a little quicker than others to keep the flow at a level.
That's what I love about songs, you can defy the laws of POETRY.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Greeneyes617
Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329
Arkansas
18 posted 2001-03-19 06:02 PM


Nice job. I liked it.
Voiceless
Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind
19 posted 2001-03-19 07:41 PM


Nice!
Well done!
Kewl Song.


~*Peachy Be*~

Allysa
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since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
20 posted 2001-03-20 08:06 AM


I agree wiuth you. With songs you can defy the MANY laws of poetry. Rock on!

I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't.

Life is what happens when you're making ot

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