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Teen Poetry #4
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grey::tears
Junior Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 19
lost within my mind

0 posted 2001-03-09 06:11 PM


insanity
rock back and forth in the chair
talk to someone, whos not there
come someone, wont you play
i swear i just heard someone say...
im all alone and cold at night
i bundle myself, in my own fright
please, i beg for sleep
counting and killing the little sheep
death, please take me from this place
so lost, i never even saw the race
take these voices from my head
lay me safe and sound in bed
i go to sleep and cry my eyes out
now, there is no more use to pout
im sorry mam, but shes gone
she knew in life, she was only a pawn
this girl, told you a lie
was it worth her to die?
she meant to tell she really did
but she was afraid, and instead she hid
but dont worry, it didnt take her far
for every lie, left a scar




AKS

[This message has been edited by grey::tears (edited 03-09-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Alex Stoyko - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2001-03-09 06:14 PM


Welcome to Passions!!
Well done on this one!!
The style you used is quite nice and the formatting of it all put a punch in it.
The message of it was well thought out. I liked the final thought too, how every lie left a scar which is just so true.
I liked it pal and hope to see you post more often......



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
2 posted 2001-03-09 06:16 PM


This was well done... the spacing was interesting, and I'm not sure if it was intended but it changed the flow of the poem.
And the last line was marvelous.
Welcome to Passions. Hope you enjoy your stay, and I hope that stay is a long one.
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort


Tears of Glass
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 182
Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure
3 posted 2001-03-09 06:25 PM


WELCOME TO PASSIONS

Awesome first post. I love this poem. Very emotion-filled. It's going straight to my library. Job very well done. I'm going to like you.

*Jennifer

"My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see."

Elvenblood
Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409
Maine, USA
4 posted 2001-03-09 07:24 PM


Oh this is wonderful! I've been having bouts with insanity. It's Colin's fault though!! and that play!!! UGHH!!! make it stop!!! "Packuta packuta packuta packuta packuta packuta packuta packuta..."

"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
5 posted 2001-03-10 12:20 PM


WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!

Nice to see a new face in the forum. We're glad you've decided to join us. You should fing everyone in here welcoming you with open arms.

As to you first post.
You've have shown me that you are very talented
You have penned such strong feelings and thoughts
keep sharing

ps..pls check your email

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
6 posted 2001-03-10 08:40 AM


Hi!!!!!! WELCOME!!!!! Yer gonna luv it here. The poem kicked butt. Makes me proud to be slightly insane. Can't wait for more. Feed us feed us!
~Carly

"The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake."
- Leonardo da Vinci

Heart=Life
Junior Member
since 2001-02-03
Posts 29
United Kingdom
7 posted 2001-03-10 09:11 AM


Avn't seen a poem like this one in ages that is really good, Done a great job on the wording and gives us something to think about. Very good job, so i greet you "Welcome"
~sugarpie313~
Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375
Maine, USA
8 posted 2001-03-10 01:24 PM


OMG! I LOVE THIS!! i'm glad we think along the same lines... hehehe jk
but hey lovely first post, definitely goin in my library!!

~Valerie~

*Life can take your dreams and turn them upside down, Friends will talk about you when you're not around, but don't ever lose that light in your eyes*

DancinQueen
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA
9 posted 2001-03-10 01:28 PM


Welcome To Passions!!

This was an awesome post..i especially love the counting and killing sheep   and the last 2 lines. keep it up, I cant wait to read more!

*dq


¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤

Wicced_Witch
Member
since 2000-02-06
Posts 110
Clarksville, TN, USA
10 posted 2001-03-11 01:52 AM


Welcome to Passions

Great first post. I really loved it and will love to read more from you.

Steph.

Neokrew
Member
since 2000-12-24
Posts 60
VA
11 posted 2001-03-11 07:43 AM


Hey,

Welcome to I am going to say netpoets cause I like it batter that name piptalk but you know what I mean. Great first poem as Tears of Glass said very emotional (Is that how you spell emotional?? I am a little slow you know :)) Well I hope to see more of your poems and cya later

-- Linc



Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733

12 posted 2001-03-11 09:48 AM


Wow this is great, I'm impressed. Like everyone's said, very emotional and powerful. Good job!
Welcome to Passions.

Bel

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