Untitled(way too hard to find a title for this one)

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Teen Poetry #4

Untitled(way too hard to find a title for this one)

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

0 posted 2001-03-09 10:38 AM

This is an older poem. I wrote this when I was extremely mad with someone. It still means something to me, but I'm sure it just looks like a bunch of words to everyone else. I know it's not very good, just thought I'd share.

Ups and downs
Highs and lows
Push and pull
Give and take
My heart you break
I never want to be apart
Till death do us part
Except when you're mad or find someone else

You and I
Me and you
Mr. and Mrs.
Together, us two
But together we should be one
A team
In my dreams
We should be on the same side
Instead we run and hide

My love
My life
My everything
My wife
My best friend
While we should be trying to mend
We decide to call it the end

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

1 posted 2001-03-09 01:53 PM

this was really very good, Jon. Very sad though. It shall be put in my libary.

Regina

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

2 posted 2001-03-09 02:03 PM

Thanks Ina, you know I always want and appreciate your comments.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-03-09 05:02 PM

It's pretty good, actually. A nice flow, and very interesting organization.
Good job, Mr Keoni.
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

Tears of Glass
Member

since 2000-12-04

Posts 182
Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure

4 posted 2001-03-09 05:29 PM

Very interesting style, but nice flow. I liked this! It's a good peice. Thanks for the great read.

*Jennifer

"My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see."

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-03-09 06:11 PM

I liked it. I thought the style was a bit dif. from your usual and it's good.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

6 posted 2001-03-10 12:28 PM

Ooo I like ALOT.
Into the library it will go.
I love what you write Jon.
Keep on doing what you do so well.

~AF~

"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"
Homer Simpson

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-03-11 09:23 PM

Actually, I do like it
It has it's own umph to it
The end is kinda sad though
thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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