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Teen Poetry #4
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HappyPretender
Junior Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 38
Prince George, VA

0 posted 2001-03-07 06:36 PM


I need him to stay a part of my life
For this hole, no one can fill
But that is not possible
In this impossible world
He's moved on and now hurt at all
While I'm left, still hurting so
I fooled myself
I fooled the world
But most of all, I fooled you
For everyone thought
That I moved on
Thought you were gone
Thought it didn't hurt
But they were all wrong
I found someone new
But I still hold on
To memories of you.

To my first love, it hurt so bad, i still can't get over it.
*~Rachael~*


[This message has been edited by HappyPretender (edited 03-07-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Rachael - All Rights Reserved
Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
1 posted 2001-03-07 07:25 PM


This was good, Rachael. I think the repetition of twelveth line was a good idea.
A lot of really powerful emotions in here. My advice is to let go of these memories that might only make you miss him more.
Of course, just my opinion.
~Allan


Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan


Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2001-03-07 08:19 PM


I liked this one. Quite sad if you ask me. I guess the guy yer with now could be called a "rebound"? Well anyway, my experiences with those suck, so yea.
Anyway the poem was nicely done.


I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

WaitN4AnAngel
Junior Member
since 2001-03-08
Posts 37
I wish I knew where I was...
3 posted 2001-03-08 10:26 AM


Rachael, I know, you will never get over that hurt, but remember, you best friends are always here for ya. LYLAS.

*Me*

*If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
*A smile is a curve that straightens out a lot of things*

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
4 posted 2001-03-09 05:12 PM


ouch!!! I felt your hurt
you penned your emotions really strong
the feelings is so real i can almost feel what you feel
amazing write, keep sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
5 posted 2001-03-10 11:46 AM


Aww the first loves are always a killer to get over. Just take the advice that has already been given. These guys hardly ever steer anyone wrong.

~AF~


"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"
Homer Simpson

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