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Teen Poetry #4
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End of the World - Lost Loves
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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End of the World - Lost Loves |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Dark clouds hang above Cities are now lost landmarks Tombstone of burnt wood Waiting for your cold embrace Freckled, scorched face Remember me when I'm gone After final dawn Earthquake shudders cold She can't stand this much longer Tombstone of burnt wood Swallowed up in earth agape On death you now drape Remembering your cold face Our final embrace "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" -- Magus |
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| © Copyright 2001 fractal007 - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Ooh... this is very neat. Repetitions scattered about make me wonder if it was meant to be to any particular format? And I am far too lazy to figure it out for myself. Good job! The way you did the title... is this a series? Sweet! *high-five* I'll race you.  ~Allan Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
I really liked it. as always great imagery. Regina |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
Weird format...dont really like it but the poem was good. A series... niceness! JR When my life dims to a perish, it will become a quote in itself... |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
what an interesting read!  Your words created a strong image here! I'm still trying to figure it all out. Definitely two thumbs up like sigfreid and Roy...I mean, Siskel and Ebert!!! tehee"Tell me why you cry" |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Allan et al: This was yet another of those poems that came about by accident. When I'm sitting at my computer listening to music, I have a tendancy to open up a word processor and start writing when I'm really inspired. This started out as an extended haiku with no particular rhyme scheme. However, when the first rhyme of face and embrace came around, I figured it would interesting to try something a little different. I kept the "tombstones of burnt wood" as a repetition to sorta convey the continuing sense of death. This is, in fact a series. I just add to it whenever I feel like it. My last series was called "The Perversions of Science," and it consists of only three poems, all free verse. Well, anyhow, thankyou for the critiques and compliments. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" -- Magus |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought the poem was good. Not as good as I've read from you, but still.... I think the last line was perfect though. I thought it worked wonderfully with what you were trying to say. Good job.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
very interesting Fractal your way with words is astonishing keep sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Just amazing once again Fractal. Repeating that one line really made all the difference. The impact it created was just fantastic. Well done. ~AF~ "To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!" Homer Simpson |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I'm adding this series to my library. Hope nobody minds. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
bump.... might as well have these in order.  |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Oh I like this one. Great imagery. Thanks for the good read. Nicely done. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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