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Crystal Catacombs - The War
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Crystal Catacombs - The War |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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(it's been awhile since I posted out of this series, and it was because I was missing "the war." I just wrote it now, so here I resume installments in the series. Here is #3. Enjoy!) "The War" step heavy, soldier as villians observe walking, no longer, advancing to serve step heavy, soldier ignoring the past draw your katana gain freedom at last swing heavy, soldier attack at its heart press to the tissue and shred it apart rest, weary soldier you've already won where was your army? you'd always had none. die, weary traitor you'd not had a cause sheathe your katana and fight with your claws run, weary soldier away from the strife recover your army recover your life clean your katana, your dead weight to haul rainclouds are forming and rain forgives all |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked the ending. I like the fact that rain forgives all. In fact, I think that was GENIUS. "rain forgives all".....wow You know.......I think that from this point on.......from here on out and forever in my life (and i'm not playing either) I'll view rain as a form of forgiveness or closure. Nicely done here Allan. You've inspired me with life.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Well how do I top that eh? Sheesh. Well Allan, Carly's mind really liked this one. The rain dillio definitely kicked your rating on the coolness scale up a notch. Nice nice, very very nice. ~The host of Carly's mind "The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake." - Leonardo da Vinci |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Allan, I thought this was abouslty amazing. I like it alot. but whats a katana? I like this series thing...very kool. Regina |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Katana- Type of sword. I just needed a three-syll sword.  thanks for the replies. Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Allan: I loved the transitions in this piece. I think this is the best one of the series that I've read thus far. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" -- Magus |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
Ok I'm gonna put all my enthusiam into this one or try to ;p Kinda hard cos It's Snowing and the cold kinda screws me up jk but no Seriously I loved it, wow amazing, truly!! Yes we do have to find some way to write something together..*giggles* get your lil behind down here, jk..maybe someday I'll get my own computer *crosses her fingers* Tmd, Kristen "Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night" ~Crash and Burn~ |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
amazing as usual Allan  Great job*dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
Best ending Ive ever read in any work... hmmm what a very well described poem It gave me chills. I love the word katana!!! "step heavy, soldier ignoring the past draw your katana gain freedom at last" Wow... such a prominent piece of work here! JR "War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing!" - Edwin Starr |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
This poem is excellent Allan. Excellent. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" "Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it." BothUnknown |
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