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Teen Poetry #4
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Tipping of my Mouth
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Tipping of my Mouth |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair 
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Black suits this poem quite well, dont you think? Well someone will understand this title, and the poem is quite self-explanatory. Enjoy the sorrow. ‘Tipping of my Mouth’ Flowers of mournful sighs Radiate off the open casket Ripples of red, yellow and green Reflect from the blooming basket Waterfall eyes drip so frantic Tissues fully cover their eyes Hugs commence the easement Underneath the grieving skies The corpse of my unknown Exists in an embedded box Pausing to approach it, I sit And glisten to all the shock Feet feeling a bit rootless Turning to the Angel in black Lending a hand of charisma I mustn’t turn back Can’t grin nor smile n’more For her eyes fill like a pond Flowing through this black day For reasons too far beyond… Grievingly, Jeremy D. Raulinaitis When life dims to a perish, my life will become a quote in itself... |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
You've expressed these sorrowful emotions so remarkably Jeremy, a very well-written, emotive and vividly descriptive poem. I'm so sorry ... I know this must be a very difficult time for you, your friend and loved ones. My thoughts and prayers remain with you ... Best wishes and hugs, /Kit |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Man, I am truly sorry for this whole situation. You described amazingly. Truly great poem. I hope to hell someone would write something like this in memory of me when I'm gone. Good luck and stay strong. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This is such a sad poem. It brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, but you have created a beautiful description to share with us, and sharing is one of the best ways of helping yourself. Thanks for posting.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Wow Jer.....this was incredible....as for the title...I might have an idea, but not sure......Good luck, kid..... ~Carly "Nature is not only all that is visible to the eye--it also includes the inner pictures of the soul." ~Edvard Munch |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This situation is quite unfortunate......I hope all gets well and my prayers are with you. As for the poem, I liked it very much jer.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
again, you have expressed yourself really well...I do have one request...I still cant understand the title and would like you to explain a bit. Is cause you can't smile or grin? thanks "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. [This message has been edited by acire (edited 03-03-2001).] |
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DreadedLiver Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 56Alter, Ego |
yah kinda acire. its like a frown...tipping of my mouth, like the upside down tip or something.. thanks for the replies guys "The *bump for jeremydraul's work, hahaha!!" |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Nice critique message.  Yeah, black did compliment the poem well. Ending it off like a letter made it seem much more direct and personal. Thought it was a neat touch. The scheme of rhyme was nice, but "box" and "shock" made me go "tsk tsk, Jeremy."  Good job, overall. Keep your head high. ~Allan Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan |
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