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Teen Poetry #4
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jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair

0 posted 2001-02-25 02:26 PM


glorification of violence is against pip guidelines
© Copyright 2001 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved
Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
1 posted 2001-02-25 03:17 PM


I actually prefer this to the original version.
You obviously had to be a bit more vague about what you were talking about, which made the reader have to work a bit harder.
All that I told you earlier still stands on this one, you did an excellent revision.
To the library, I say!
-Allan

The unintelligent are merely tools for the intelligent. That would make my house a veritable toolshed. ~~Allan Riverwood

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2001-02-25 08:25 PM


I liked the original i mean....I wouldnt change a poem just so it fits the guidelines for Passions.

Anyway, nice try
This is the PG rated poem.


I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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