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Teen Poetry #4
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Morouxshi San
Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207
San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2001-02-22 08:18 PM


after the emotional drain i just had i really dont feel like talking. if the poem reads like crap, thats how i feel. so it served its purpose.

-=heros downfall=-

chaos reigns supreme
over the castle dementia.
demons cry a maniacal laugh
while the knight holds his wound.

shake the sand off your shoulders
and move the boulders
the fight includes you
but the knight is all out.

angels from the skies come to fight
and raise the knight they do.
if only he could sacrifice himself,
for the better cause.
-San


San, the wise
San, the dumb
San, the guy...


© Copyright 2001 Morouxshi San - All Rights Reserved
fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

1 posted 2001-02-22 10:11 PM


San:

I liked the extended metaphor you used here. I hope that your situation improves soon.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
2 posted 2001-02-22 11:47 PM


It is not good that you have been emotionally drained but you do come up with the most fabulous pieces when you have got nothing left.

I love this piece and I really mean love it. I hope the situation improves for you too.

~AF~

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."
Buddha


jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
3 posted 2001-02-23 02:30 AM


nice nice... sad to hear bout that, but you always write good nevertheless

JR


When life dims to a perish, my life will become a quote in itself...

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
4 posted 2001-02-23 03:31 PM


Heyaz. Good good good. Good content, good words, good thoughts, good good good. Thank you very very much for posting. This smiley is soo cooooooool hahaha.
~Carly


"Nature is not only all that is visible to the eye--it also includes the inner pictures of the soul." ~Edvard Munch

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
5 posted 2001-02-23 06:59 PM


Not bad, San. I like the ending.
Nice to see you back. How is the graphics stuff doing?
Best of luck, man.
-Allan

The unintelligent are merely tools for the intelligent. That would make my house a veritable toolshed. ~~Allan Riverwood

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
6 posted 2001-02-24 12:05 PM


hey San --- hope things get better for ya
be strong

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.


[This message has been edited by acire (edited 02-24-2001).]

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
7 posted 2001-02-25 01:08 AM


Felipe, I got it all.....and no.....I won't tell you........EVER!!!!!!

Anyway nice poem. I know why you wrote it and when.....so I won't say anything.
Haha no, i know you hate when I do that.

Ok well.....I liked the ending of it...quite nice.....I like the angels, are they naked?
OOooooooo

nicely done here, not yer best....get over it....but still a great poem.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Morouxshi San
Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207
San Juan, Puerto Rico
8 posted 2001-02-25 02:17 PM


as i said.
i dont think this was a good poem. never said it was.
actually the part on top of it tells you that it sucks to my opinion. so SHH!

and dope i am over it, you know that. so SHH!

haha.
fun.

ill be more active next week, san is back.


San, the wise
San, the dumb
San, the guy...


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