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Teen Poetry #4
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Tastes of Nature (1000th Post)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Tastes of Nature (1000th Post) |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair 
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Note: You gotta read this once through and then find the right rhythm. I think its an alright 1000th post. Enjoy. ‘Tastes of Nature’ Mustard sun rays penetrate emerald blinds As the whipped-cream clouds sail away The broccoli top trees and chocolaty bark Wave in the strawberry breezed May A sky of marmalade and peach jelly Gallantly exists over string bean vines Flaring from pistachio covered valleys Amongst the skittle-horizon’s lines Fading lightbulb sun gleams lemon glare In your glossy white-marbled eye With a minty-green pupil staring up As a milky moon shoots into the sky We’re just two plastic dolls Eating all nature’s sweet delights, Admiring it’s qualities of taste In sugar days and barbecued nights Jeremy D. Raulinaitis When life dims to a perish, my life will become a quote in itself... [This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 02-22-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
~JD~, this is an EXCELLANT 1000th post!  ~Hugs JD really tightly~ Congrats boy! Way to go! Congrats~ You're an old man now! (j/k) You'll be there when I reach 1000, right? C-ya. I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't. |
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~sugarpie313~ Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375Maine, USA |
this is WONDERFUL! i really like it, lots of good imagery.... someday i'll reach 1000. but it won't be anytime soon. hehehe great job!! Valerie *Life can take your dreams and turn them upside down, Friends will talk about you when you're not around, but don't ever lose that light in your eyes* |
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blackhalo Member
since 2000-02-15
Posts 467Denver, CO |
Typical guy to relate everything back to food! Do you play football???  Actually, I found this to be an excellent expressive read! It's a great 1000th post. CONGRATS! Alicia |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Oh the imagery is fantastic, and the metaphores are wonderful. "Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
Allysa: I accept the hug. Ill be by your side for your 1000th as well!Sugarpie: Thanks! Imagery...hehe you think? Youll get there to 1000 soon! blackhalo: actually, most of the stuff I listed I dont eat :-) Im a hockey player/golfer too! Thanks! Elvenvlood: Thanks a bunch for the comments JR When life dims to a perish, my life will become a quote in itself... |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Yayyyyy jeremy!!! Woo hoo!!!! Congrats!! And ohh what a post what a post. Wunnerful wunnerful.   [This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (edited 02-21-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought this was amazing. Nicely done here jer. Wowowowow.....This was one of yer best in my opinion. As for the constructive critiques: Golf is for wussies  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Congratulations on reaching 1000 JD your post made me hungry and thirsty  So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. [This message has been edited by acire (edited 02-21-2001).] |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Jeremy: This was quite an impressive 1000th post! I really loved the appeal to the senses, especially those of taste and touch, in this poem. Your alliteration was also very beneficial to the quality of the lines. You may wish to work on your punctuation a little, though. For example, "Suns ray's" should be "suns rays." But overall, I think this was a smashing poem![sweet! Got to use Austin Powers lingo!!!] |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
COS: thanks thanks, always there for a wunnerful comment DD: ya think... thanks dude.. and golf is for the skillful! acire: is that good or bad, thanks bro fractol: I didnt even notice that, thanks for the revision... and thanks for the comments JR When life dims to a perish, my life will become a quote in itself... |
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Starr Member
since 2001-02-08
Posts 100 |
The imagery was 'par excellence', love it a whole bunch. Oh yeah, congrats on reaching the 1000th mark.... i'm going to be there, but not anytime soon.... Congrats...  |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
 Congratulations on 1,000 Jeremy! What a wonderfully descriptive post to mark this milestone ... excellent imagery! Best wishes, /Kit [This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 02-22-2001).] |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
starr: thanks a lot! hope to see it when you do Kit: glad you liked.. thanks for all your kind words over my stay JR When life dims to a perish, my life will become a quote in itself... |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Sorry it took me so long to reply, I'm not the reliable poster I used to be! Congrats on 1000  I think your poem is really good, I don't have anything to critique about this one."Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.therainforestsite.com |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
LOL Lake... Yeah, I'm getting less reliable myself.  I'm gonna go eat now! This poem made me hu~ngry! Congrats on 1000, Jer. You did good, man, and you are one of the members that I look up to most.Talk to you later. -Allan The unintelligent are merely tools for the intelligent. That would make my house a veritable toolshed. ~~Allan Riverwood |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
My, I am VERY late with this one Jer. Well contratulations on making the big 1000. The piece itself is absolutely fantastic! The imagery is sensational and I have got ot agree with Dopey in that this may be on your best yet. Your works always find themselves in my library. Don't think that this one isn't heading there too! Good on your Jer for writing such a magnificant 1000th post. ~AF~ "Love makes us poets and the approach of death should make us philosophers." ~ George Santayana |
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cutie2005 Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 148Bennett, Colorado USA |
Congrats!!!! That poem was awsome I really enjoyed reading it!! I hope you keep writing cuz your great at it!! Happy 1000!!! Luv ya, cutie If you love someone you would go to the end of the world for them! |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
Wow... this totally took me off guard, but that's what i loved most about it. It's not very often you find poems that you write about. In my opinion, it's my favorite that you've written. Great job! "You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
WOW!! That poem rocked. Excellent imagry, very discriptive. And of course congrats on the 1000th post. NiCe WoRk! (one whom believes there is nothing good in the world will find no good in himself) -Me >¶Øʆ< |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Great 1000th!! You mentioned skittles... so it's wondeful just for that...hehe  But I was rather disturbed by the brocolli and chocolate trees... ewww! Nice one! jenn "I'm a big, big, girl, in a big, big world, it's not a big, big thing if you leave me, but I do feel, that I will miss you much..." Emilia |
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