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Teen Poetry #4
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Elvenblood
Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409
Maine, USA

0 posted 2001-02-20 03:37 PM


This has NOT happened, and I don't know why I wrote about it. But I showed it to her, and she started to cry. I asked her what was wrong, asie from it being really morbid, and she just said that nobody had ever told her she meant that much to them. I think it's long overdue. Do all your friends know how much they mean to you?


Rain
Salty rain from my clouded eyes
Cold, bitter tears from the haze of my mind

These drops are painful
They sear my skin with a violent hiss
Their fog adds to the haze

I’m swimming, drowning
In your wonderful crystal blue eyes
Let me die in those eyes that blink no longer

My salvation your touch
once warm and soft, now fading
My love causes these tears, yet fear makes them sting

This rain means more
Than my joy when you swore
To return my promise of eternal love

The rain means
That I will never love again
That you and I were and are two fitting pieces of a puzzle

I could cry forever
My tears could fill oceans
My emotions could encompass the universe

I feel like I can’t live
But I don’t want to die
I love you, I will love you forever

The haze is fading
I can think once more
And I think to kiss you once more

Before we are separated forever



"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK

© Copyright 2001 Bryan W. Holmes - All Rights Reserved
Child of the Stars
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Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
1 posted 2001-02-20 04:12 PM


...Wow...This was incredibly sad. I can see why it would scare you...Amazing piece you've got here. Keep writing...
~Carly


"Nature is not only all that is visible to the eye--it also includes the inner pictures of the soul." ~Edvard Munch

HiddenSparklez
Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190
British Columbia, Canada
2 posted 2001-02-20 04:35 PM


Very well written poem, loved the imagery. This one is packed full of emotion. Keep it up!

"You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear

Skyfire
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Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
3 posted 2001-02-20 05:34 PM


Wow. Wow, wow, wow. That made ME almost cry. Send it to Tommy... Oh yeah. Did I mention that was AWESOME!?!?!?!?!?!
Rhonda


"I am Canadian" - Joe
"When I find the right guy for me, I'll love him no matter what he does or what he's like"

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
4 posted 2001-02-20 06:10 PM


*sob sob*
What? I'm ~not~ crying! It's glandular!
Hmm... that made no sense...
*sniffle*
Seriously, this poem RAWKED my friend! The best that I have seen of yours.
Yes, I have written poems and eulogies for my friends, even though they haven't died yet. Call it a morbid passtime.
I honestly did almost cry reading this. Your style is excellent, the metaphors, the wordplay... all top notch.
And to the library it goes.
-Allan

The unintelligent are merely tools for the intelligent. That would make my house a veritable toolshed. ~~Allan Riverwood

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-02-20 06:44 PM


Wow nicely done here. I liked how you wrote this completely. WONDERFUL JOB!


I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

LoveBug
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Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

6 posted 2001-02-20 07:48 PM


This is such a sad poem, it brought tears to my eyes! I'm so glad that you haven't lost this person, and that she now knows how you really feel about her. Beautiful thoughts and an important message, my friend. Thanks for sharing.



"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

~sugarpie313~
Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375
Maine, USA
7 posted 2001-02-20 10:59 PM


Bryan this is awesome!! i knew you could write some good stuff!!! great job, i want to see everything you've written.

~*VALERIE*~

*Life can take your dreams and turn them upside down, Friends will talk about you when you're not around, but don't ever lose that light in your eyes*

Starr
Member
since 2001-02-08
Posts 100

8 posted 2001-02-21 02:27 AM


This was great, with feeling an' everything. I absolutely love it! Keep writing. Well done!
Acies
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
9 posted 2001-02-21 05:20 PM


Now I see the reason why she cried. well done

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Tears of Glass
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 182
Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure
10 posted 2001-02-22 08:46 PM


This is very sad... but very well done.

*Jennifer

"My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see."

Ski*Chick
Member
since 2001-01-13
Posts 141
Fitchburg, Mass, Usa
11 posted 2001-02-23 05:51 PM


That was so good, but sad at the same time.

You can hide, You can be crul, You can't be my friend.

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
12 posted 2001-02-25 05:29 PM


well ive been going back through the pages that ive missed. and I found a poem, a poem that was utterly beautiful but so sad. It will go into my libary and never leave it...
be proud.
Regina

Suga_Baby
Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380
Maine, USA
13 posted 2001-03-09 11:44 PM


The more I read your work, the more speechless I become... it's all so deep and... WOW...
Angel in Flight
Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381

14 posted 2001-03-10 02:22 PM


I cant believe I didnt reply to this sooner... This poem is so magnificent as well as sad although it shows greatly the love you have for your friend and this person must be eternally greatful as am I that you shared this with us. Great job, my friend.

The law of harvest is to reap more than you sow.Sow a habit and you reap a character.Sow a character and you reap a destiny

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