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Teen Poetry #4
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I beg for your for your forgivness
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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I beg for your for your forgivness |
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ixteme Junior Member
since 2001-02-14
Posts 10 |
I beg for your forgivness heart break fills the inside of me i cant stand to look at the enemy how can my love be my enemy how can my love ruin my identity why is my love for you causing my insanity you are disapearing in front of me life lives inside of you death passes infront of me love lasts an eternity shame kills the enemy dont say tou love me just to please me i want your love to last for me but i dont want you to lie to me i know you want the best for me is it possible for us to love again it just might be the best thing for me my love for you will never end my love is nothing but selfishness why cant i just go along with what you belive i just hope someday you will forgive me By Pete |
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| © Copyright 2001 ixteme - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Okay... now ~this~ piece caught my eye. The format... makes it flow so well. Your repitition was used excellently, rhymes and such were scattered about in such randomness that it made this seem exciting... and expressed perhaps the state you were in. I absolutely love how you did this. No doubt about it, you ~are~ good at this kind of stuff. ~_^ -Allan When the sun dies, and the earth is thrown off its axis, the two of us will still, at that moment, be thinking of one another. ~~Allan, to Amanda |
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ixteme Junior Member
since 2001-02-14
Posts 10 |
thank you allen thank you im learning from these wonderful poems ive been reading... i really like this place people are so nice it makes me feel go about myself!!! www.angelfire.com/rock2/ixteme/frame.html |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
See, this poem was pretty good. I actually found the repetition of words to be a very good part of the poem. Usually I would refrain from using the same word to ryhme over and over like you did with "enemy" and "me".....BUT......but I thought that YOUR repetition within this poem added meaning and power. Just try not to do this too much, that's my tip.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
I was thinking basically the same thing...excellent use of words and rhyme.  and in the end we still pretend the time we spend not knowing when we're finally free and you could be -NIN "The Wretched" Angel of Darkness |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I disagree with Dopey I don't think he used all those me's for the one reason of rhyming I think it's oretty much coincidental that most ends in "me" In the poem, I feel like he is trying to talk to the person like one would do when they're face to face Well, all in all, your poem is very emotional thanks for the read keep sharing So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Strong poem!! I usually do not like repetition but this poem was very wonderfully done. Keep it up. Life is like a storm, it passes you by without even knowing it~Amanda |
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