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Teen Poetry #4
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Fed Up
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Fed Up |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico 
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NOTE: ok do not critique this one. VERY HORRIBLE poem on my part. This is just to give a little taste as to how I write when I really don't care about ryhme, format, syllables (i never really do care about syllables, but hey).....and yea. This is just directed to my X Fed Up: So we're this and that With complete confusion, Utter depression, And uncanny dillusion. Not here nor there. Wanting your complete all. Wishing for love not lust That's held in a stall. Oh well, Natalia I guess that's that. We're done forever. I'm not your mat.  |
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| © Copyright 2001 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Not bad. The flow was great. Try to note the format you used for this poem, and apply it elsewhere as well. "That's that" and "I'm not your mat" would be revised, if I were you. But I'm not you, am I? -Allan When the sun dies, and the earth is thrown off its axis, the two of us will still, at that moment, be thinking of one another. ~~Allan, to Amanda |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
am i reading this wrong? don't you adore this girl? what happened to Dopey the romantic?  what's going on? So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
He got pissed off haha...... Yes I adore this woman, I am madly in love with her......but sometimes I take too much crap and I get sick of it.....so this is my world of venting here on this one. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Well everyone's got the right to stand up for themselves. To always be romantic is to kid yourself.  You did an excellent job of expressing your feelings, even though you think this is horrible. I am no one if not myself. Angel of Darkness |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
i kinda liked it...a little different though... still a good one! I like the mat things actually.. Jeremy R Life is fading me away, far away, but I’m sketching myself back, line by line, mark by mark. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Way to vent I like this, a little look into your mind. Thanks for posting it."Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Wobbly Head Bob Member
since 2000-05-15
Posts 299Virginia, USA |
Hell mo-fo yeah, Dopey! I finally decided, since you're a constant replier to my posts, that I'd come read your work. This one, rocks, man..a lot of your stuff does. Why don't you post in the Pub as often? Anyhow, I know what this poem feels like to live, it sucks it stings but it feels real good to verbally let out. Peace. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
it was ok i liked it but not as much as ur other poems..but thanks for sharing keep writing..dopey   ...?[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-19-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
AHhhhhhhh!!!!! Bob....i can't believe you brought one of my crappiest poems ever back to the top haha....AHhhhh well yea, the emotions were real...but the poem sucks. Anyhow....thanks for the replies! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
It's not bad Dopes Just glad you're finally standing up for yourself thanks for the read "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
This was a great poem....just seemed more relaxed....even though it was a vent. Bonne travaille! Regina "Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
well i'm glad that we have a little bit of javy to keep us company since he's been gone. great job on this post, i always love your writing. come back to us soon Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, HAHA I never use punctuation, my spelling well sucks and everything else they teach in English class is off in my poems. I though it was good not as superb as your others but still I liked it and since its your first poem that’s not perfect I am putting it in my library next to all your other work Oh and on the situation I guess my 2 cents would be to leave her I know it does not sound like the right thing to do but in my view I know you deserve a girl who loves you and respects you. I hope things work out for you and since I have not told you yet congratulations on moderator you deserve it. Until your next masterpiece-- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Im sorry you feel this way about Natalia. Sometimes I feel like this about Justin. Like he's just using me when he wants and when his friends aren't around. I'm sorry that this has to be like that for you. |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
this is a great poem , we all get fed up with the pople we most love once in a while and poetry is a great way to vent... nice work Javier! *Justine* -=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=- |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
This is really good, Javier! From the sounds of it, this chick didn't deserve you, so you were right to say to heck with her! Ever consider moving to M.E.?  *LOL* hehehe! jk Nice job!"A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
This one definitely isn't bad. I actually like it. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
i dontt hink this is bad at all, while..not my fav. bye you..but still good! *KiMMiE* |
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Lovely_Kris Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 176 |
I think you did a great job and it's not bad at all. I hope to read more of your poems and keep up the great work. Lovely_Kris |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
To those who think this was great, I'd hate to know what you guys think of my good poetry....you probably hate it. Anyway thanks all! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
*bump*...hehe *quickly runs away*  if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
.....  STOP it!!!! haha....this poem sucks....leave it alone  |
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~*brittt*~ Member
since 2001-05-09
Posts 76East Haddam, CT |
I don't know why you think that's bad. I loved it. It was really good, and you did a great job. ~britt~ If you live to be 100 years old, I want to live to be 101 so I never have to live a day without you. |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Don't worry Dopey, I won't tell you this poem is not that bad. I won't say it's not your best, but it's not bad either. And don't worry, I definately won't bump this one. OOPS, I mean... crud, I already did. Too late  Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Oh Dopey this quite good... not as good as your best but hey if I was this good when I didn't care then I'd rejoice... " The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
2 things..... -this poem keeps popping up. - I keep getting notified, which was a mistake cuz I hate that box to be notified by accident and it annoys me. - and the newbies are seeing this are my first poem....imagine what they think of me! wait that was three things wasn't it? C'mon guys! If yer gonna bump....bump something decent!! |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This one's going back up to the top. Haha, sorry, Dopes. This is a pretty good poem. The flow was excellent. Some of the lines could be revised here and there, but other than that I enjoyed the read. Nice work. --Marie "You're the girl of my nightmares. |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Wow that's really weird...I was just thinking a line JUST like your last one for my last poem......... *errie music* Bel Aggression's a good thing aye? lol |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
hahahah..  ..this is going to bump it up...but you deserve it for bumping one of mine...i have to say i dont like this poem either...its a nice short poem...but i dont like the last line...that's that?..im not your mat?..yeah yeah i know you said not to critique it...but yeah...im glad i was here to share your TRANSITION in poetry writing styles dopes... ...good job though ...i can pretty well imagine what you must have been feeling from what you wrote...good bye.. 
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Hehehe don't hate us...it's a good poem.  I think that even tho you thought it sucked, most of us saw it as unique and emotional and creative...erm, cept for the mat thing. LOL It really was pretty good tho, I loved how it flowed. Jenn "If my heart had wings, I would fly to you and lie.. beside you as you dream, if my heart had wings." Faith Hill |
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Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
Ok...I agree...this wasnt one of your best poems...but still it was a most excellent vent on your part. It kinda hit home with me so I had to reply....Until next time.... ~Nikki~ |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
Dopey, Dopey, Dopey, after reading your countless wonderful poems, I must say this is a really good one. you convey your feelings really well, and although it's not the format you usually use, it's good to see you sway from that every once and awhile. I like this poem, and it is as good as your others. I think you need to stop being such a tough critic. you write beautifully hun, and I think it's time you learned that. much love, Stace I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem. |
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anomaly187 Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284San Francisco,CA,US |
who needs rhyme anyway?...no matter what a great write from you as always..i've missed not reading your more current work...like to check on here once in awhile..once again thanks for the inspiring read(s) "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Anomaly, the praise is mutual when it comes to your work. Appreciate you stopping by and reading this crappy poem. To all the rest....yer crazy for replying. I swear.....if this gets anymore replies I'll freak out. Leave it alone! |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
hun i know exactly how you is feeling! *huggles* javi my dear you're rad! robin  I AM WHAT I AM SO DEAL! |
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Love's Addiction Member
since 2001-06-21
Posts 57all around you |
i liked this alot. nice job. it's the first i've read if urs and i really liked it.thanks for the read.  if love wants me, then it can come find me |
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DarkAngelOfTheStars Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255 |
im sorry i just have to do this *bump* hehe cuz im evil muhahaha one morning you wake up afraid you are going to live |
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