Jeremy's Haiku Challenge - Fractal in Red

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Teen Poetry #4

Jeremy's Haiku Challenge - Fractal in Red

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

0 posted 2001-02-15 06:50 PM

Fractal In Red

From simplest of veins
Blooming out to infinite
Labyrinths it grows.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

1 posted 2001-02-15 07:36 PM

very interesting...you have a deep mind
great job

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-02-15 07:46 PM

*falls into frac's deep mind*
nicely done!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-02-15 07:47 PM

Yeah, I liked it. Personally, when one line flows into the next in a Haiku-Senryu as one sentence, it seems a bit choppy to me. You should try to make each line more seperate, it is tougher but the result is a prettier senryu and a lot less of my complaining. ^_^
-Allan

When the sun dies, and the earth is thrown off its axis, the two of us will still, at that moment, be thinking of one another. ~~Allan, to Amanda

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

4 posted 2001-02-15 09:13 PM

Thankyou for finding this deep, all

Allan:

Thankyou for the advice. I was not aware that each line had to be so distinct in Haiku/Senryu. This means challenge! I will try to keep your ideas in mind next time I write a senryu/haiku.

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

5 posted 2001-02-15 10:18 PM

Well I like it

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

6 posted 2001-02-15 11:23 PM

wow, prolly the best one bro, nice job!

Jeremy

Life is fading me away, far away, but I’m sketching myself back, line by line, mark by mark.

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