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Teen Poetry #4
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Until I Met You
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Until I Met You |
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Kaze New Member
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2 |
Who I was, I always knew Until the day that I met you. I fell in love with you that day, Wanted to hold you, never let you away. Give me a chance, let me try, Don't go running to some other guy. Let me show, through my words and what I do, This love that I feel for you is true. I had the inspiration for this when I was thinking about a friend of mine one night. I want to dedicate this to her, because she is the one who got me started writing poetry. Poetry isn't really my thing, but I decided to give it a try. Any criticism, good or bad, would be appreciated. Thanks. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
first of all WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! We're glad to see you've decided to join our family of poets here in PIP. Hope you'd feel welcome like others do. I know here in PIP you'll learn to love poetry You did a really good job on this, specially for someone who says poetry is not her thing All poetry is is explaining your feelings thanks for the wonderful read keep sharing hope to see you more in here ps. please check your email So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Welcome to Passions.  This is a beautiful poem that you have written. You should continue. I can promise you that it'll become a part of who you are. I am no one if not myself. Angel of Darkness |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
 Welcome to Passions I'm glad you've joined the forum! I really like the beginning of this poem. The whole thing is done well!  It says you "encourage Constructive Critiques" so I'll tell you that the sylable (is that spelled right?) count was a little higher on these lines than the others, which I noticed while reading the poem. "Wanted to hold you, never let you away." "Let me show, through my words and what I do," They're fine how they are, but it might flow just a tich better if it was a lower number of sylables. That's just a thought though, and coming from me it probably doesn't mean much. Anyway, I hope you post some more and stay here a while I can't believe I wrote such a long reply here! "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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teardrop1412 New Member
since 2000-12-02
Posts 2 |
Hey Ami! (Kaze) Nice writing, and WELCOME TO PIP! I'm glad you're getting into poetry, and yes it will grow on you! Well, thanks for the dedication...KEEP WRITING! ~*Meghan*~ |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
its very good. welcome to passions!its great to have new ppl joining. your poetry is very good, for someone who says its not their thing. Regina for those who say I'm their friend, u know me not well for if u did u would not stay around anymore to watch me fall away. |
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Tears of Glass Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 182Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure |
Welcome to Passions!! Great first post.. It's the perfect thing for Valentine's Day. I hope to see more from you.. Good job. *Jennifer "My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see." |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
nicely done here. Welcome to passions. The syllable count was a bit off, but it's nothing I would know about. I have probs on it myself. I thought it was a pretty fair poem for being a newbie at poems. Nicely done.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
welcome I hope you like it here, this was a great first post. it always feels so good to get those intial feelings out. keep it up*dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
wow, seems like everyone covered everything.. so I welcome you to the fantasy land of passions! Jeremy "Life is fading me away, far away, but I’m sketching myself back, line by line, mark by mark." - Jeremy Raulinaitis---'Fading Me Away' |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Welcome welcome!! This was really good..!  xoxo Jenn "I'm a big, big, girl, in a big, big world, it's not a big, big thing if you leave me, but I do feel, that I will miss you much..." Emilia |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
It's a good poem. The only criticism that I can offer is to pay closer attention to syllables in each line. You did this well at the start, but the flow seemed disrupted a couple of times by it. At least, for me. And now that I bother to read everyone else's replies, I see this has been mentioned. Thank you, Lakewalker, for beating me to it again. You stealth-replier you. ~_^ Welcome to Passions. -Allan When the sun dies, and the earth is thrown off its axis, the two of us will still, at that moment, be thinking of one another. ~~Allan, to Amanda |
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