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Teen Poetry #4
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Angel Bee
Member
since 2001-01-30
Posts 176
Virginia

0 posted 2001-02-12 08:29 PM


                Miracle

you were my miracle sent from above
our love floated peacfully like a white dove
you were my miracle sent down to me
so our love could be known, for all to see
you were my miracle, yet i didn't realize
you shaped everything up, and fit everything to size
you were my miracle then and now
i've made it through with you somehow
you were my miracle give especially to me
thanks for everything, you've made me see
you really were a miracle in great ways
you were sent to help fill all my days
so thanks once again for everything
you gave me all you could possibly bring
so now that i've moved on
i would like to say thanks and for now, so-long

© Copyright 2001 Angel Bee - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 2001-02-13 01:38 AM


I know you don't want critism but maybe stopping the rhyme might help this?

Brad

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2001-02-13 02:48 PM


Naaaaa I disagree with brad.......I don't think the ryhme stops the poem from being great....it's written well, would be better, but I don't think it's the ryhme.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
3 posted 2001-02-13 05:08 PM


I think they're both right in a sense
rhymes gives a poem personality
but at the same time, you don't really have to make the poem rhyme cause sometimes searching for the right word that rhymes hinders the poem itself
i don't think i'm making any sense
personally, i like the poem
keep sharing

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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