The Night That Never Came...

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Wheelsgirl
Junior Member

since 2001-02-09

Posts 21
MA, USA

0 posted 2001-02-10 10:53 PM

The Night That Never Came...

The sun that was warm and bright, shined all through the day,
A time that we kids said, "Who cares what comes, so come what may.

We just kept on doing our daily routines, but the day never ended,
Hour after hour it got colder, but not darker.
"When will we sleep, when will it end.," someone said "When will it end."

Luckily it was just a dream, thank God! What does it mean?
Maybe I'll never know.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-02-10 11:21 PM

I thought the first two lines were brilliant.....but then the style of the poem kind of changed a bit and lost it's flow. That's ok.....but I think if your harness the style written in the beginning in a future poem....you'd have a great piece to work with there.
Nice one here!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Ski*Chick
Member

since 2001-01-13

Posts 141
Fitchburg, Mass, Usa

2 posted 2001-02-10 11:43 PM

this is a very cool poem kelly..

Angel in Flight
Member

since 2001-01-07

Posts 381

3 posted 2001-02-11 01:18 AM

Kelly,

I do agree with dopey on this one, but good poem none the less. Keep up the work

Keep searching, we are here, you only have to find us.~ Amanda

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

4 posted 2001-02-11 01:30 PM

I think this is a good poem, but it definitly could be changed a little and become outstanding.

xoxo
Jenn

"I'm a big, big, girl, in a big, big world, it's not a big, big thing if you leave me, but I do feel, that I will miss you much..." Emilia

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-02-12 09:16 AM

Trying to interpret your dream i see?

that's hard, I really can't help you with that
I do thought the poem was good
keep sharing

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

6 posted 2001-02-12 12:03 PM

An interesting poem. Maybe it means that you're spending too much time doing one thing in life. That's just my humble idea.

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

7 posted 2001-02-12 02:22 PM

I think what you have is really good here, nice job

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

8 posted 2001-02-12 02:35 PM

I loved the beginning as well but it trailed off... nice job tho!

Jeremy

"Life is fading me away, far away, but I’m sketching myself back, line by line, mark by mark." - Jeremy Raulinaitis---'Fading Me Away'

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