navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #4 » Unexpected Cutoff
Teen Poetry #4
Post A Reply Post New Topic Unexpected Cutoff Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958


0 posted 2001-02-06 03:09 AM


Standing before the
Throne, awaiting judgement that
Does not come about.



Waiting for friends and
Enemies alike to join
As one in Heaven.



But someone is lost,
Unaccounted for amongst
The ruins of lives.



His life was decent.
His walk was honourable.
But he is missing.



Shedding tears of sad
Reflection and sorrowful
Mourning and remource.



Do not disobey.
Follow to the dot and T.
And you will be saved.

From dreams of a life awake,
Sweating for guilt's sake,
Slowly dying off towards
A fear of the Lord's
Wrath on souls left in
Darkness that some would call sin.



Must save, show to sun
Some strange concept that no one
Sees, but souls now won.



Witness for that 'light'
Forget events now gone past
Destroy your future....




Witness the ultimate end in itself,
View a moral code placed upon shelf.
Realize that all is dilusion,
Watch life turn to some illusion.
Cry out in sheer terror,
Fall to sleep with uncertainty.
Awaken and just try to live life
Without some righteous strife.
Have mercy, have purpose, have compassion
Find that one thing, and make it your passion...

© Copyright 2001 fractal007 - All Rights Reserved
anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
1 posted 2001-02-06 04:00 AM


The last few lines of this piece are just so thought provoking. 'Find that one thing, and make it your passion.' That is something I am going to have to go and write down. As logical as it is, I never actually thought about it.

Thank you for such an interesting read.

~AF~

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."
Buddha


jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
2 posted 2001-02-06 08:46 AM


You are a very talented writer in this style. It must take a long time to master this style because they are all a bunch of senryu's with some stanzas as well... I am really a fan of your work, keep writing please!

Jeremy


"I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. -William Faulkner (Noble Prize Speech.)

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

3 posted 2001-02-06 01:44 PM


AnonymousFemale:

Thankyou for the compliments.  I am glad that this was thought provoking.  It is sort of representative of my own personal struggles.

JeremyDraul:

Thankyou for the compliments.  I am glad that this style has worked out.  I will likely keep writing for quite some time.  

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-02-06 03:41 PM


Nicely done here fractal. The message here is completely wonderful. I loved the last line especially, it put a great impact within the poem.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
5 posted 2001-02-07 04:50 PM


Yes, it's very well done in my opinion too.  Please, keep them coming   

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
6 posted 2001-02-07 08:59 PM


Well of COURSE i love this one.  It's mostly senryu.
Man, you have ~got~ to try Rengay.  You would be excellent at it.
-Allan

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

7 posted 2001-02-08 03:58 AM


Thankyou again for the compliments.

Allan:

I may be a little slow at trying Rengay with you right now.  My computer's modem is a little wierd, so I'm using the other computer I have.  I don't expect to be able to fix the problem anytime soon, so I may be a little slower at doing things, as this computer is mainly for use by my mother.

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #4 » Unexpected Cutoff

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary