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Teen Poetry #4
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Angel In My Eyes
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Angel In My Eyes |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
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I miss you. But then, sometimes, like now, I don't. I care a lot. BUt there are always, going to be, times when, I won't. I don't care, what they, of all people, have to say, it doesn't matter to me. I see something, they don't, something they'll never see, you're an angel in my eyes, that's what I see. AN angel in my eyes, all perfection, all grace, an angel in my eyes, staring back at me, looking at me face, to face. Guys are like stars. There are millions of them, but only one will make your dreams come true. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
Tamma
since 2000-01-17
Posts 794In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV |
This is SOOOO sweet...this is EXACTLY how I feel about Justin!!  Great Poem, Good luck www.angelfire.com/wv2/poetrycorner I'm just a girl looking at a guy asking him to love me |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Ahhh yes, us and our Justins!!!!!!!!!! I have one too!!!!!!!!! What's yours like??? Guys are like stars. There are millions of them, but only one will make your dreams come true. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Nice poem... but I'll admit that one thing bothered me. Short lines are great under the right circumstances, but I personally thought that the lines here were a bit ~too~ short, as the sentence or message carried over onto the next too often. It didn't work as well as it would have with more unity to the lines. Just trying to be helpful. Overall, great poem, with a beautiful message. -Allan We used to hate people, now we just make fun of them. It's more effective that way. --KMFDM |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
As far as what Allan was talking about, I think taking out some of the commas would help the flow of this a lot. I still liked it though, you did a good job on it  Oh yeah, I'm thinking of changing my name to Justin so some girl, any girl, will like me "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Here goes the Justins again  lol j/ki guess he is really special you too are an angel thanks for the read keep sharing I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Very sweet, Allysa, as is all your work. When you love someone, you can't help but see all the good in them.  |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done here......allysa, a very sweet poem indeed.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
That was really beautiful! Im glad I read it, it put a smile on my face. Well done! Jeremy "I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. -William Faulkner (Noble Prize Speech.) |
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Angel Bee Member
since 2001-01-30
Posts 176Virginia |
nice poem keep writing |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
this is a wonderful poem!  keep it up!!-=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=- |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Thanks ya all!!!! I know I always write that, but I can't write a lot because I have a lot of other stuff to check out. BYES~! Guys are like stars. There are millions of them, but only one will make your dreams come true. |
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