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Teen Poetry #4
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Desolated Child (I fixed it.... well.. sort of)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Desolated Child (I fixed it.... well.. sort of) |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
All right, Everyone I am sorry for the "long" wait, but I did have to fix this poem. And seeing that so many people wish to read it I stopped my fixing process so there are quite a few mistakes, but you know...who cares a poem is not made to be perfect. And one that is not perfect just makes it more unique right? now everyone here is the poem..... Enveloped in corruption, a child quests for a shelter from the winds barbarous cold. A perpetual inferno of sin. The blankets of snow that lie on top of the grime lacerates her delicate feet, as she clutches to her tattered garments which cling to her skin The rain initiates to pour and dispatches an everlasting surge, descending her spine as she hunts for a refuge from the rain. She rampages circuitously through the remnants and debris around, and declines in a niche which bestows her infinitesimal warmth, but condoles her pain. As she observed her feet she beheld she was bleeding internally, as well as externally. As I surveyed her I comprehended her say; ”I yearn for a family. Why does life have to be this way?” and therewith she sighed. Her spirit no longer knows how to fly, and her golden heart is shattered by completely all the pain she tries to hide. She is secluded in this universe and has no locality to requisition as her own. Her countenance is as squalid as her blackened hair, but none the less she never desists, and keeps proceeding on everyday. I espied her as she sat there in that niche that sundown, as she shed one immortal tear that transmitted a current of dreams from her diminutive ,absent, soul some way. I promenaded athwart to her and uplifted her head, as she ,exhausted, gaze the other way and tired not to see. However, when I saw her face, her eyes luminescence brighter then a diamond in the sky. Furthermore, I am permanently happy that when I had seen her that sundown I didn’t do what others did... ..... ... I didn’t pass her by. [This message has been edited by Angel in Flight (edited 02-05-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Amanda - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
True... we should never pass anyone by. You describe this situation beautifully. Thanks for sharing.  "Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather "Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Oh... my... This poem... truly touched me. Amazing. My heart was racing, and I'm sweating after reading it. How emotional, great vocabulary used in it. This might be the best and most moving piece that I have ever read in my entire life. You know where you can reach me if you ever need to, Amanda. So I'll not console you in this reply, that can be done more personally. I'll simply inform you that this is, without a doubt, the best poem I have read of yours and possibly the best poem I have read in my life. Best of luck to you, Amanda. Keep your eyes focused on your goal. -Allan We used to hate people, now we just make fun of them. It's more effective that way. --KMFDM |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Just a second reply necessary to add this to my library. |
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the day i tried to live Junior Member
since 2001-02-03
Posts 27the seventh circle |
the concept and the morbidly conveyed "good samaritan" story are absolutely wonderful and make for a wonderful poetic base... it's wonderful to see other teens looking deep into literary themes for their poetic inspirations... if this poem has/had any personal significance then i applaud you on your noble character... overall a wonderful piece... [This message has been edited by the day i tried to live (edited 02-03-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
SHOW ME THE POEM!!!!!!!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
lol @ dopey dont worry i will just hold on for a while. or else i will pull out one of those bad smiles on you. I have to fix it first because this was my "ROUGH" draft. so it will be up in a little while. THanks for the wait dopey. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
where's the poem? I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
sorry Acrie, I have alot of fixing to do with it, and until it is done I am not going to post it. It has to be "perfect" even though i know poetry never is. I dont know when it I will have it back up here, but when i do i'll be glaid to tell you. Suit yourself~The most powerful phrase a person can ever say. Once you hear it you will never be the same. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
ACIRE YOU HAVE TO WAIT!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Tamma
since 2000-01-17
Posts 794In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV |
Me thinks Angel is the type of person that likes to keep people in suspence...hehehe  www.angelfire.com/wv2/poetrycorner I'm just a girl looking at a guy asking him to love me |
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Miracle Junior Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 22 |
Wonderful poem!! I believe this is one of your best yet. This one is going into my library. Great read. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
I really think that whatever "fixing" you did on this... you did good!! Absolutly thumbs up. Lovin it. xoxo Jenn  "I'm a big, big, girl, in a big, big world, it's not a big, big thing if you leave me, but I do feel, that I will miss you much..." Emilia |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Miracle~ Thank you for what you said that means alot to me jen~ Thank you [This message has been edited by Angel in Flight (edited 02-05-2001).] |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Angel. Amazing. Enchanting. Heart-wrenching. Tearful...amazing... ~Carly "Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy." (Nora Ephron) |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Amanda...WOW!! This is an amazing and brilliant piece you have written. You should be extremely proud of this. It is just wonderfully written. Library worthy it is my dear. ~AF~ "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Buddha |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Thank you everyone for your replies! They mean the world to me. Keep searching, we are here, you only have to find us.~ Amanda |
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Miracle Junior Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 22 |
Amanda, I know I have already replied to this, but I have one question about your poem. Does this at all have anything to do with you? I am just wondering because you wrote this with such emotion. Thank you. |
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