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Teen Poetry #4
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Day By Day
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Day By Day |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA 
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*K, well I dont really know where this came from..its kinda weird. But this all must have been just floating around in my head or somethin  Enjoy..or try to haha-=Day By Day=- Pulling from every direction never showing relief Clawing at my imperfections ruining my self-belief Lazily knocking me down mind games take heed Trying to keep my head up in this sea of greed Blinded by misery in this self-absorbed world Fighting the past yet struggling to look forward As nightfall tires my weary eyes my mind's finally at ease 'Till morning sheds her light dangling life in front of me ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kiley - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Very good... I love how the rhyme scheme kind of fell apart throughout... made it seem more relaxed, and suprisingly i didn't even notice until i read it the second time. Nice impact, but I especially loved how you did the format. -Allan Would you really want everything that you thrive for, if you could never appreciate it? |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
oh, what's wrong sweets? I knew something wasn't right when we were talking. The poem shows it all...your feelings, there's hate in it. And usually hate comes from sorrow. Hope I'm wrong, but I'll talk to you soon ok? keep your head up peach I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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anomaly187 Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284San Francisco,CA,US |
hey i really liked this.. i also noticed the change in rhyming at the end.. all together a great read.. amazing work! "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very good here. I liked it......I have a poem titled like this. Anyway nice to see you back. I haven't seen you in a while.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
wow... your getting so much better, honestly! although a few lines neglected the rhyme scheme... it was still a very well constructed poem (form and meter) im glad i read this one!!! -JDR |
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
Great poem girl just like always. Anyway Keep up the awsome work! Lauren |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
"dangling life in front of me" ... nicely said I like what you said in the last stanza Great poem ~Jason To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese [This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 02-03-2001).] |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
This was good! Keep posting.  xoxo Jenn "I'm a big, big, girl, in a big, big world, it's not a big, big thing if you leave me, but I do feel, that I will miss you much..." Emilia |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Ok well wherever that poem came from, it came from a cool place!!! This was a cute poem...very creative =o) |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
great poem! keep it up. ~kate~ |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
Great poem... I really liked the first few lines: "Pulling from every direction never showing relief Clawing at my imperfections ruining my self-belief" It makes you wonder exactly what you're so unstable about. "You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
You know..Allen~Jerm...like every poem I write you talk about my ryhme scheme. I've never written a poem trying to follow a ryhme scheme. and you two always comment on it and i think thats so funny lol i just write..i dont worrry about how many syllables are in this line and how many are in the next...so just to let you know, im not tryin to be all proper but i love your comments..keep em coming¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
That's a great poem. I really like that. Rhyme Scheme and all that, it doesn't matter. there's too much stress on technique, and not enough on content and result. This is true for many things, thinka bout it. "Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
sorry to do this twice, but I forgot to ad this to my library! "Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK |
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