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Teen Poetry #4
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The Vacant Town
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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The Vacant Town |
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DreadedLiver Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 56Alter, Ego |
Just a little story in poem format. It's a bit creepy but I liked Gothic writing... muwahahahahaha!!!!  Enjoy.The Vacant Town: Macabre mountains, Shade upon this spooky house; Bloody fountains, Bubble in a bath of death; Inside tedious walls, Not a soul lurks but a mouse; Who’s skeleton is small, And weeps a scared breath; In earlier years, A killer occupied this home; He shed no tears, When his victims fell aground; He didn’t own a name, And from his mouth he foamed; A knife not tame, Slaughtered the people found; Beneath worn-out floors, A secret remained not so blatant; Piles of bodies laid galore, Under the place where he slept; Blood dripped from his eyes, Although his face wasn’t latent; Not one carcass cried, While this reaper crept; The smell grew sick., The neighbors could no longer stand; They entered very quick, And dropped as the event unfurled; The entire town died, Except for just one hoary man; This man who spied, Told this horror to the world; J.D. Raulinaitis < !signature--> "zzzIzzzAMzzzDREADEDLIVERzzz" [This message has been edited by DreadedLiver (edited 02-01-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jesper A. Knightfellow - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Not bad... really, not bad. Nice story here, Jeremy. Well done. Keep up the good work, sometimes it feels good to be a bit dark. ~_^ -Allan Would you really want everything that you thrive for, if you could never appreciate it? |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I think this was great jer. A bit of a different you I see........Oooooo scary! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
as you may know, this is me writing this... well this was a cheap attempt at a bump!! goodbye... -JDR |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
This was great. You should really keep this on hand for halloween, LOL. I too kinda like dark stuff, although I wouldn't consider myself "gothic". Good writing. Keep it up. |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
A lonely man, no named man, kills a whole town with no remorse and leaves the bodies in the basement to rot a way (  peeyew).... You have a sick lil mind, Mr. Raulinaitis... lol jk. Nice story, a little creepy but enjoying to read.~Jason To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese [This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 02-03-2001).] |
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the day i tried to live Junior Member
since 2001-02-03
Posts 27the seventh circle |
not quite what i expect when i hear the term "gothic," but an interesting piece nonetheless... in retrospect, i think morbid would be better applied here than gothic... there's little of the archaic that the gothic period admired, but despite any labels an interesting poem and fairly well-written... i'll keep an eye open for more of your works... |
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anomaly187 Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284San Francisco,CA,US |
whether this is morbid or gothic i love it!!! an excellent style that you should continue to perfect.. great work on this one!~ "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
heh, thanks guys. I dont know if Ill be posting with the "dark one" anymore. But we'll see what DreadedLiver says... -Jeremy "I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. -William Faulkner (Noble Prize Speech.) |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Yo there. This was magnificent. Made me shiver lots. Me like to be scared. Yayness. ~C "Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy." (Nora Ephron) |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
yup, this one was kinda creepy. nice job of writing it! "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
I diffently like this story. I like dark writings. Do u? |
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DreadedLiver Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 56Alter, Ego |
yah.. I really enjoy dark writing.. violence and all that.. its really intriguing. Maybe you can share some with me? Laters... Jeremy |
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