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MidnightMaverick
Junior Member

since 2001-01-15

Posts 35
Duluth, MN, USA

0 posted 2001-01-31 08:31 PM

Me
You
Male
Female
Venus
Mars
As different
as we
can be..
Sun
Moon
Stars
Rivers
Streams
Oceans
Lakes
Did I make
the mistake..
Hearts
torn
Tears
stream
Did I let
you go..
Pulse
beats
Ears
hear
I turn
to gaze...
jealousy
corruption
It doesn't matter..
pain
It's too late.

MidnightMaverick
Junior Member

since 2001-01-15

Posts 35
Duluth, MN, USA

1 posted 2001-01-31 08:45 PM

I've hit my writer's wall so this isn't my best. It came out of a cloud of memories.

-Maverick

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-01-31 09:19 PM

Nice, not bad.  Reminded me, at first, of POA's experimental form.  Then you went and used two words.  Ah, well.  ~_^
I like short stanzas, one or two words, when standing alone, stand out more.  It makes the impact all that much more effective.
Hit the writer's wall, you say?  Might want to try different formats and restrictions.  Really helped me out, i know that.
Well, just my advice, anyway.  Good poem, but if you wish to impress yourself more, try something new.
-Allan

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

3 posted 2001-01-31 10:23 PM

nice job trying to conquer the block
just look for some inspiration
good luck

-JDR

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

4 posted 2001-02-01 03:34 AM

Dispite your writer's block, you've done a good job. The style is quite good, almost like fleeting thoughts that still assemble into a distinct meaning.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-02-01 03:14 PM

Very nice job here. Not as good as some that I have read from you.....but good nonetheless

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-02-01 06:51 PM

must be nice to have this kind of writers block

you did real good
keep sharing

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

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