Sonnet VI - Love in War - pipTalk Forums

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jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

0 posted 2001-03-06 11:38 PM

NOTE: 3rd sonnet in like 1 day! Haha...oh well. This is my least favorite one. Enjoy.

‘Sonnet VI - Love in War’

I shall compare love with process of war;
Both containing loss in a foolish game
But what do we get involved in them for?
When we are confronted with all the shame
All the anguish, tears and desperation
Stir up controversial ideas at hand
With bickering words in conversation
How do we suffocate this dreadful land?
What’s fair in love, is also just in war
Can’t we use division amongst the two?
For love is too sweet for us to adore
Upon the other hand, war will subdue
The come of earth’s end, what’s the better take,
Murderous cries… or of love to partake?

Jeremy D. Raulinaitis

"War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing!" - Edwin Starr

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-03-07 12:55 PM

Murderous cries! Murderous cries!
mwa ha ha ha!
*clears throat*
Sorry about that... hehe

This was a good theme to the sonnet. The other two didn't really compare, content-wise.
Well written, as well. Good job, Jeremy.
Jeremy is to Sonnets as Allan is to Senryus...
man yours sounds more impressive.

Talk to you later.
~Allan

Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan

[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 03-07-2001).]

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

2 posted 2001-03-07 01:57 AM

A good sonnet. However, it did not follow the constraints of the form, such as iambic pentameter. It also had too many different rhymes.

However, I think that the general ideas presented in this poem were fantastic. I especially loved the contrast when you talked about division amongst the two.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-03-07 09:14 AM

Hahaha what allan said was funny.

Anyway, nicely done here. I thought you did quite well on it.

DreadedLiver
Member

since 2001-01-23

Posts 56
Alter, Ego

4 posted 2001-03-07 10:13 AM

Allan: thanks for your words...they really mean a lot.. I think I may write sonnets for a long time now.. maybe a series??

Fractal: I dont follow those Iambic Petawhateva meters... just following the sonnet form is what I concentrate on. This usually supplies a good meter in its self.. sorry to disapoint you

Dopes: Thanks, I laughed at that too....glad you liked.

Jeremy

"The *bump for jeremydraul's work, hahaha!!"

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

5 posted 2001-03-07 10:17 AM

Nice jeremy. Your description in this poem was very cool. It seemed to me to be a very cynical poem, and I like that
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-03-07 08:00 PM

love the distinction between love and war
youve gown so much in writing JD
thanks for the share

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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