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Teen Poetry #4
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Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 2001-03-06 10:07 PM



Seconds fall, not as grains of sand,
but as paint of Dali’s “Soft Watches”
onto your hand
and turn to roaches,
and quickly scatter.
What does it matter?
A star gives light, then fades, then disappears...
The bulb on the ceiling can’t wait to bloom
and spill its tears...
so, get the broom...


Check out my poetry here:


http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master


© Copyright 2001 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved
Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
1 posted 2001-03-06 11:01 PM


Not a bad poem.
I like the solution proposed in the last line... "get the broom" can be applied to a large variety of situations.
Nice work, Master.
~Allan

Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan


DreadedLiver
Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 56
Alter, Ego
2 posted 2001-03-06 11:37 PM


wow beautiful ending
def one of ur good ones..nice job bro, a lot of good thoughts here

JR

"The *bump for jeremydraul's work, hahaha!!"


Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2001-03-07 03:41 PM


Wonderful poem. I thought it worked well. The sudden ryhme in the middle shocked me cuz the rest of the poem wasn't written like that, so it did have an effect there. Great job in this.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
4 posted 2001-03-08 11:09 AM


I'd like some help here Master
What exactly is the point of the poem?
I can't seems to figure it out
thanks in advance

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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