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Teen Poetry #4
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Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2001-01-30 11:30 PM


NOTE: HA! It's a song! Yea I fooled all of you!! Hey I had to get you in here somehow.


Returning the Feeling:


What's this?
A clock in denial.
Prairy fields I call.
Mild mild mild.
What's this?
Tickidy yea yea tock.

I run, run away
From the bleeding flock.
I tick, tick astray
Against the chastity lock.
I cry, cry my days
Into a little of a lot.

What's this?
What's this?
You naked in the window
Eyeing my every move.
So sorry you couldn't make it.
Dying in lack of groove.

I run, run away
In spite of you.
I tick, tick astray
With the fact that you knew.
I cry, cry my days,
And I hope you cry too.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

© Copyright 2001 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved
jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
1 posted 2001-01-30 11:33 PM


awwwww
dopey's softer side
very nice song, i loved the tick tick repetition
and also the words you used.. very nice

-JDR

"I am two minded. I have two sides of thinking."

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
2 posted 2001-01-31 03:48 AM


Onimatopea (hope i spelled that right) seems to add nice touch to poems... perhaps i should start using it myself.
Yes, i love the way it worked, i can just see you singing this and headbanging to it on stage (not that i would cross the street to see that.  ~_^)
Loved the song, DD!  Keep it up, my friend!
And I think someone mentioned in Teen #3, we would like some MP3s sometime!
-Allan

Would you really want everything that you thrive for, if you could never appreciate it?

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
3 posted 2001-01-31 09:46 AM


amazing.
you know we like your songs...
i can see you singing this too. good luck...can wait to see u win an award of some sort.
Regina

sin from my lips? O tresspass sweetly urged!give me my sin again!
W. Skakespeare

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

4 posted 2001-02-01 03:42 AM


I think this would be great in a dance song of some sort.  It sounds sorta like the lyrics to the dance music that was going on in the mid 90s.  

Nevertheless, it's pretty sweet, man.

Acies
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
5 posted 2001-02-01 03:31 PM


Dopes the talented
maybe you should change your username to that
lovin lovin lovin it
much much much
keep keep keep
sharing sharing sharing

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR



Jenn Cirrincione
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Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
6 posted 2001-02-01 03:46 PM


Why is there this quote here?? Strange. Anywho. This was a bit unusual, actually. Somewhat abstract. I could definitly feel the rythym of an early 90's dance beat.
Good one.
xoxo
Jenn


"I'm a big, big, girl, in a big, big world, it's not a big, big thing if you leave me, but I do feel, that I will miss you much..." Emilia



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