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Teen Poetry #4
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Saying Goodbye
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Saying Goodbye |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
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Saying goodbye, always, forever, but never hello. Saying goodbye, I'll miss you, sad to see you go. Saying Goodbye, I'm sorry, I don't mean a thing. Saying goodbye, I'll be crying, but don't say anything. Saying goodbye, I don't want to, but I know we have to. Saying goodbye, it's really hello, from me to you. Saying goodbye, and crying, I would miss you so. Saying goodbye, just hug me, because I won't let go. ---------------------------------------------------- I ain't saying goodbye to anyone, just this is on my mind! I can't see at all. Even if I could it would all be great, to put your picture on my wall, it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought the first part was the best. After that it drifted off a bit but still good. But yea, the first part kicked major butt. Glad to see yer not sayin goodbye, it's be a tragedy *tear tear*.........hehe...  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
great idea for a poem the tone was so sad.... but im glad our not saying goodbye... and never say goodbye to us, we love your poems! ~JDR "I am two minded. I have two sides of thinking." |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Impressive writing. You might want to break the poem into stanzas though, whenever there's a "saying goodbye" line. Like for example: Saying goodbye, always, forever, but never hello. Saying goodbye, I'll miss you, sad to see you go. The rhyming you used at the end of each section though, was quite impressive. It helped to convey a sort of "fading memory" effect. On the whole, this was a good piece of writing. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I am so impressed with the poems you have been posting lately You have grown to become a better poet I believe that you have progressed This is another example that supports my current opinion of you keep writing girl i love this poem a lot I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Thanks ya all!!! I'm glad everything with the new format and everything went cool! Guys are like stars. There are millions of them, but only one will make your dreams come true. |
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