A Saunter - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

0 posted 2001-01-28 11:32 PM

I really want the feedback to be based upon the style and use of literary devices. Thanks and enjoy.

"A Saunter"

Walking through planks of wilderness,
     Reflections of you arise.
Whether in rivers, brooks or waterfalls,
     Wonderment drips from my eyes.
When you howl into the muted night,
     I hear winds of sorrowful cries.
Winking stars show me it’ll be alright,
     Even when the joy in my soul dies.
Whistling storms of your words comfort,
     Though you placed upon a disguise.
Withered skin is eaten up so relentlessly,
     As I accept all our broken ties.
Wishing we’d convert back to what we had,
     So I can exhale these weeping sighs.

J.D. Raulinaitis

[This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 01-30-2001).]

Hallie_Angel
Member

since 2000-12-06

Posts 102

1 posted 2001-01-28 11:38 PM

WOW,
That was very vey good and very very deep man. I hope to see more.

~Catherine

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-01-28 11:57 PM

Uh oh.......I think jer has caught on to what I do a lot.......add abstract adjectives before concrete nouns....
I like your lines a lot here......very good.

Wonderment drips from your eyes
Winking star

Stuff like that......very good. I also realize a little relationship with a lot of your work and it has to do with your style on nature. You seem to like it a lot.
One of your best here jer......very good.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

3 posted 2001-01-30 09:53 AM

Everytime I read a new poem of yours, it seems like you outdo yourself all the time.
This has gotta be your best so far in my opinion
It will be hard to outdo this cause this is really good JD
BRAVO!!!

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-01-30 12:47 PM

An excellent poem, Jeremy! Well described, nicely written. I love how you created such clear images... makes me envious.
Thanks for the read!
-Allan

DreadedLiver
Member

since 2001-01-23

Posts 56
Alter, Ego

5 posted 2001-01-30 04:05 PM

talk about the beauty of nature
your work excites me very much...
i agree with acire, this must be your best

-Knightfellow

""I am two minded. I have two sides of thinking."

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

6 posted 2001-01-30 11:13 PM

after reading the title a few times, i threw up... so i changed the title... thanks for the replies, this one must suck?

"I am two minded. I have two sides of thinking."

Greeneyes617
Member

since 2000-11-22

Posts 329
Arkansas

7 posted 2001-01-30 11:46 PM

WOW! This is amazing...Wish I had talent like that. Keep up the good work Jeremy!

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.