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Teen Poetry #4
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HiddenSparklez
Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190
British Columbia, Canada

0 posted 2001-01-28 09:14 PM


Penetration
And you're brand new
Some concentration
And somehow I've gotten to you

A little distraction
And i'm right there
A simple solution
And suddenly I'm the only one who really cares

An open door
And you're no longer blind
A whole lot more
And a hidden smile is found from behind

Salvation
And I'm the only one who can help you
Distraction
And you're learning it's really only about you

Sealed lips
But you've got the talk
Misguided feet
You've got to stop the fake walk

A misconception
And you've gone mentally dumb
A tasteful complication
And all over again, you're completely numb

A simple hand
And you're holding mine so tight
A few jokeful words
And your dark eyes fill once again with light

Grasping onto the cliches of life
You're slowly letting me in
Smiling goldenly and nice
I'm hoping I can help you from within

Don't ever fail me,
And I won't let you fail again


"You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear

© Copyright 2001 Sims - All Rights Reserved
anomaly187
Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284
San Francisco,CA,US
1 posted 2001-01-28 09:47 PM


hey this is a great poem...from the form to the reassurance you strongly present at the end..hope everything is well with whoever this is about...great work

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"


Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2001-01-28 11:26 PM


I liked the poem and the ending especially. A bit of positivity. I liked it. Keep posting.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
3 posted 2001-01-29 07:24 PM


what a wonderful piece...
such reassurance for someone
you must have a beautiful heart
thanks for the read


I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR



HiddenSparklez
Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190
British Columbia, Canada
4 posted 2001-01-29 07:57 PM


Thanks for ur guys' comments. I coach junior girls basketball at my school... and one of the girls i coach has a bad reputation of being a "trouble maker". Last week she gave me something really special... a picture of our mascot she had drawn. She tells me I'm the only person who motivates her to be good or better... so this is just a response to what she's given me.

"You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear

katherine
Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365
Canberra Australia
5 posted 2001-01-29 09:29 PM


this is really good!
jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
6 posted 2001-01-29 09:32 PM


sounds like a harmonic experience... glad to hear that everything is working out well...
this poem really shows your sighs of relief

~JDR

"I am two minded. I have two sides of thinking."

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