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DreadedLiver
Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 56
Alter, Ego

0 posted 2001-01-25 10:36 PM


Dopey asked for a new type of style, so here it is. A sonnet, of course it's a little distorted in my own special way, I hope you like it.

Sonnet XVI - Blended Us:

beating, drumming, pounding my ardent heart;
pretty, pulchritudinous, cunning face;
my sweet, angelic, heavenly fine art;
stunning, royal, bonny smile of red lace;
scintillating, twinkling, eyes of passion,
relax, ease, loosen the simmering mind,
breeding, generating dashing fashion;
acquit, release, unshackle the confined;
allow, permit, let us be all in one,
sharing, enduring, dispensing our love;
reaching, grasping, latching onto the sun;
delighting, enriching, comes from thereof;
synchronized, coincided form of trust,
inhabits, breathes, subsists in combined lust.

-Knightfellow







"If you had a choice to believe in yourself, or another person, who would it be?"

© Copyright 2001 Jesper A. Knightfellow - All Rights Reserved
jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
1 posted 2001-01-25 10:53 PM


wow... im so in love with your writing
a new style, it really works and it seems the sonnet form is conquered here
the expressions of how you feel about this person are awesome:

"beating, drumming, pounding my ardent heart;
pretty, pulchritudinous, cunning face;
my sweet, angelic, heavenly fine art;
stunning, royal, bonny smile of red lace;"

and then you go on about how you want to be one with her, synchronized in your trust... and in your lust... AWESOME... keep writing your way bro!
~JDR< !signature-->

"Is it love in my gut, or piss in my bladder?" -Allan Riverwood

[This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 01-25-2001).]

anomaly187
Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284
San Francisco,CA,US
2 posted 2001-01-26 12:17 PM


hey this is a great way of expressing your love and lust..and you constructed a perfect sonnet, something i won't try to do..can't stand writing them..great work

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"


IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

3 posted 2001-01-26 12:24 PM


yeah, what Jermey said.  I'm quickly becomeing a fan.  You are a very creative writer.  To tell you the truth I have read very few sonnets that I like.  (just not a sonnet fan DON"T SHOOT), but this one I love.  Infact you may have just inspired me to try my FIRST sonnet,  Thanks for this read.  Look forward to the next
~Jason

"Every body has their destiny...
I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN
~Hatebreed~


Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
4 posted 2001-01-26 02:01 PM


You're right, it's different style of a sonnet
Still, I'm gonna have to agree with JD
I guess he has summarized it all already
beautiful write
thanks for sharing this


I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR



Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-01-26 05:31 PM


Great one here. I really liked it all. The style is great, not just a sonnet...but a dreadedliver sonnet. I loved it. Great job!
I have my eye on your talent.


I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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