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Passions in Poetry

Lies

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Poet on Acid
Member
since 01-07-2001
Posts 329
Florida, USA


0 posted 01-23-2001 03:59 PM       View Profile for Poet on Acid   Email Poet on Acid   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Poet on Acid

Lies amounting to confession
This will be his final session
Confusing all his lies
But the truth can be seen in his eyes
He can't even realize his own emotions
With the lies founding all his devotions
Having faith in the human race
Means nothing looking into his face
The lies backing his existence
Are rising up in resistance


I really seem to be slipping up on my work lately,
it's turning out worse than I thought it would in the first place, which is bad because I am the coldest cruelest critic of my work there is...

Any feedback would be welcom.

        >ʆ<


[This message has been edited by Poet on Acid (edited 01-23-2001).]
© Copyright 2001 Tony Ryan Johnson - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
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since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


1 posted 01-23-2001 05:35 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

Nice one here but you're right. Not as good as the poems i've read from you in the past. Don't worry........it was still very good.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily
Greeneyes617
Member
since 11-22-2000
Posts 335
Arkansas


2 posted 01-23-2001 05:39 PM       View Profile for Greeneyes617   Email Greeneyes617   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Greeneyes617

Its really not that bad.......things that make you go "hummmmmm..."  
ThyWizard
Member
since 08-06-2000
Posts 56
Chambersburg, PA, USA


3 posted 01-23-2001 09:26 PM       View Profile for ThyWizard   Email ThyWizard   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ThyWizard's Home Page   View IP for ThyWizard

I can't compare to previous quality as i haven't read any of your other work, but all in all i don't think this was bad.  It had a rather unique undertone to it and as short as it was had a nice amount of depth to it, i look forward to reading more from you

" How can i feel if i can't breathe..."
- Godsmack
anomaly187
Member
since 06-15-2000
Posts 285
San Francisco,CA,US


4 posted 01-24-2001 12:31 AM       View Profile for anomaly187   Email anomaly187   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anomaly187

..well i though this was great..you put good use to the words you chose..the only thing i might say is that you should try not to rymthe(spelling) so much..

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"

anomaly187
Member
since 06-15-2000
Posts 285
San Francisco,CA,US


5 posted 01-24-2001 12:31 AM       View Profile for anomaly187   Email anomaly187   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anomaly187

..well i though this was great..you put good use to the words you chose..the only thing i might say is that you should try not to rymthe(spelling) so much..

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"

litle_krazy_poet
Member
since 01-17-2001
Posts 71


6 posted 01-24-2001 12:40 AM       View Profile for litle_krazy_poet   Email litle_krazy_poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for litle_krazy_poet

well i like the poem but if you don't then maby you need some new sorces of inspartion.
but i liked the poem

~Matt~

somethings need poems and then there are thoes that are just for fun
Acies
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since 06-07-2000
Posts 14805
Twilight Zone


7 posted 01-25-2001 03:53 PM       View Profile for Acies   Email Acies   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Acies

I personally don't thik that you have slipped even a tad bit

e.g. "Confusing all his lies
But the truth can be seen in his eyes"

This two stanzas may have been penned in simple form, but it has so much meaning in it
Great post


I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


Jenn Cirrincione
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Member Elite
since 07-02-2000
Posts 4370
Fl


8 posted 01-25-2001 06:07 PM       View Profile for Jenn Cirrincione   Email Jenn Cirrincione   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jenn Cirrincione

Don't be so hard on yourself. This was really good. If you believe you're slipping, it's probably just because of self-critisicm (sp?) Keep up the good work.

xoxo
Jenn


"A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ??

lauren03
Member
since 01-04-2002
Posts 66
oh, usa


9 posted 01-29-2002 12:09 PM       View Profile for lauren03   Email lauren03   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lauren03

your poem wasn't bad at all i liked it atleast, maybe because i can relate, but it was good
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