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Teen Poetry #4
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JoltPunk
New Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 4


0 posted 2001-01-23 03:24 PM


I cant dream your eyes
this silence slices
My nerves
And I know Im dreaming in vain
When the shadows rythmic dancing
holds still breaths
apon my heart
Youve shot taller
than I could
keep up with
I miss your touch
and your eyes meeting mine
for a time
Strong fears siezed me
You fell away
Issues of control
beat open her like an
open wound
and you fell in
These lips of mine
cant speak your name
without the rest of me
denying your presance
The ghost you haunt
still breaths in my ear
reminding me
that
I will always love you
Even when I am this far gone



© Copyright 2001 JoltPunk - All Rights Reserved
Morouxshi San
Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2001-01-23 03:37 PM


Welcome to Passions!

good poem. i really liked it and in some weird strange way can relate somewhat.


hope to see you postin so more.



San, the wise
San, the dumb
San, the guy...

LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

2 posted 2001-01-23 03:46 PM


Welcome to Passions!

This is a wonderful first post. It's true, you can still love someone even when they aren't with you anymore. You describe it well. Keep up the good work.

ps-check your e-mail< !signature-->

"Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather
"Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav




[This message has been edited by LoveBug (edited 01-23-2001).]

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
3 posted 2001-01-23 04:04 PM


  Hi there, and welcome to this wonderful world. I really enjoyed this poem. A bit dark and defnitely enchanting. Please keep posting.
   ~Carly

inspiration of my art search for light out of the dark all the pictures in my heart lie awake there in my fog...

JoltPunk
New Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 4

4 posted 2001-01-23 05:25 PM


Wow, thanks so much for the responses.  I really appreciate feedback on my poetry, and I found this place- perfect!  Im very interested in reading other poetry also, so I thank you for taking the time to read it.  

~*~Rachel~*~

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-01-23 05:29 PM


I liked this very much. Welcome to Passions! This was a very nice first post and hope to see you posting more of your poems along with contributing and relpying to other people's.......great job.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

StarPryncess17
Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932
Colorado
6 posted 2001-01-23 06:09 PM


A beautiful first post. I shall be the next to wish you a happy welcome and a wonderful stay. Thanks for sharing your work with us and thank you for opening up your heart to us. Best wishes and happy writing...~*~Jessica~*~

*the expected escape is only a portal to true devine Hell...leave that door alone*

jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
7 posted 2001-01-23 09:21 PM


very good first impression.. hope you really like it here. Your style is very interesting, makes me intrigued.
Welcome....

~JDR

"Is it love in my gut, or piss in my bladder?" -Allan Riverwood

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
8 posted 2001-01-24 06:04 PM


WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!

Beautiful first post.
You've expressed a very strong feeling of longing for someone on this piece
What a way to start your experience in passions
thanks for the read and keep sharing

Welcome to your poetry family

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR



katherine
Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365
Canberra Australia
9 posted 2001-01-24 09:09 PM


i love it !!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW
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