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Teen Poetry #4
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If I...
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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If I... |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA 
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If I... If I held you in my arms forever and told you we'd always be together If I loved you unconditionally accepting your faults unknowingly Would you take a step back to see what you walked away from Would you give me all your love every bit of strength, and then some If I promised I'd always be there offering you my tender-loving-care If I looked deep into your eyes, to your heart and told you I've loved you from the start Would you take everything back that made me crumble to te floor Everything that made me weak when you walked out that door If I told you this was my last plea to make you turn around and see If I took back all the phony smiles and broken hearts and promised to fix what tore us apart Would you open up to me and tell me how you really felt So that I may stop this struggle to change the cards that life has dealt If I told you I can't go on or live anymore that my heart's too badly battered and sore If I became lifeless in your arms weakened from all I've endured, the pain and harm Would you hold me in your arms forever and kiss away all my tears And tell me everything will be alright cry no more, for i am here ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kiley - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well I'm going to have to say that this was a great one. I truly liked this one here. Good job on it, and good luck with the relationship.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
DancinQueen... i do believe that you have out-done yourself... I truly enjoyed this piece more than anything I have yet read of yours. The scheme was truly excellent, the emotions so very strong and profound in this one... Your crying out for understanding is such a great thing to express in your writing... the format was EXCELLENT here! I am 100% amazed by this piece! Congratulations on an amazing poem. Very, very excellently done DancinQueen! Best post I have read all day, hands down. -Allan |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
yes definately out did yourself good to see you try and write longer, more meaningful poem. it turned out very good ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
This came across as being very sincere. I love the style you've used, the poem is excellent. I could go on forever praising this one!!! I'm going to add it to my library for later reading. Again, excellent job  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
oh wow!!! sweets.....omg you should hand this to him, you really should talking about pouring you heart out this is exactly a perfect example of it this is beautiful sweets, just plain beautiful thnaks for sharing it I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
your poem was very good, great form, words, the rhyme was great.... my opinion is that you are talking like this is the last guy in the world. i don't know, but i don't believe in teenage love, i don't believe anyone should surrender all they've got when they are still this young to another person that'll control their hearts. i don't think u can truely love anyone else, unless u have built up your inner self and most ppl in the forum probably haven't. that's just my opinion, don't mean to be offensive, but i'm replying to your post with my own opinion  great post however Salma |
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~sugarpie313~ Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375Maine, USA |
OMG *wipes the tears forming in the corner of her eyes* this was SOOO good!!!! and i mean it. Valerie *...Remember your roots, my friend they're right down below, because heroes come and heroes go...* - Creed |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
OKay, yes you HAVE out done yourself. I liked your poems from the begining but every one I read seems to be better than the last. This was truely amzing. Nicely pened DQ ~Jason "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
thanks everyone ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
friendly bump ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
I am reminded now, of something I wrote, when truly amazed by the power of words. Yours have moved me in the same way, I share with you my little piece. Kudos to you my dear. Best of luck in life and love. another successfully written piece words that move me beyond my shallow yet oh so deep emotions with childish perceptions and mature standings on life but still I am silent looking for words, to describe the inspiration I have found within the complexities of your long thought out, or not so words, hoping to one day capture such an endearing talent in which I am able to hold my heart in the palm of my hand as you do just the same and throw it out on paper, in such magnificent ways that intrigue, the lackers of emotion and move the cattle that refuse to move more than a few feet at one moment all because, they have no depth to their intellect and insights whereas life is concerned and I...shall still go on in my envious state, and hope to find words that might compare to your phenomenal talents that I long to grasp from afar and hold them and mold them as my own *Being an angel doesn't mean having a halo or wings, it means doing the right thing and wanting to make a difference* |
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
Well great poem like always and no matter how depressed I am I will always take time to read your poems. You know what I mean anyway keep up the great work. Lauren |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
Well I've been on vacation so i haven't had a chance to reply to thank you all! Jess~> hey babe! that poem was wonderful. glad you liked mine Talk to you soon i hope!Lauren~ hey grl..how u doin?? Thanks for replying you better have stuck with that promise while i was gone or i'm gonna be mad, aight?  I'll talk to you later im sure..thanks for replying tho Luv ya'll~~Kiley ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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sweetstuff101 Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375OK, USA |
WOW...that was really good! I luv it!! Would you hold me in your arms foreverand kiss away all my tears And tell me everything will be alright cry no more, for i am hereWould you hold Keep up the awesome work!! Luv Always, ~*~Priscilla~*~ How come it is so easy for a person to say "I hate you," but it is so difficult for someone to say "I love you" and really mean it???? |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
Like everyone keeps sayin' it's a great poem. I was moved and that's exactly what makes poetry so touching. "You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Wow, first off, thank you Valerie for telling me about this one! OMG, it's so good! I absolutely love that poem! I knwo this is a late reply, but true art never dies, until it doesn't get anymore attention. "Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
This was absolutely amaing gurl!!!!!!! So much feeling in this one...it was so sad though =o( Great piece |
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Starr Member
since 2001-02-08
Posts 100 |
This is a sensational poem!! Absolutely love it!! You write great... keep it up.... oh yeah sorry for replying so late!! Every action of our lives touches some chord that will vibrate in eternity. |
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cutie2005 Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 148Bennett, Colorado USA |
this whaz an awsome poem!! Great job I loved it!!! I think I should give to to my b/f hehe.. naw its to good for him grate job!!Luv yas, cutie If you love someone you would go to the end of the world for them! |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
wow lol this was like my favorite poem ive ever written and i was kinda sad it didnt get that many replies...but thanks whoever bumped it!! made my day*dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
everytime I turn around, this poem is back up can't blame em for liking it though So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
thanks acire!! ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
no problem sweets So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
wow...what an amazing poem! I dont know waht else to say...IM SO IMPRESSED! ~K~ "Don't spoons just make you smile? My friend is more of a FORK person, the butterknife makes me cry..." -Hallucinations in Blond |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a beautiful poem. An oldie, but goodie. nice job.--Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
thank you -=We often get hurt when we trust someone we want them to be instead of who they really are=- |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Yes this is defenitely one of my Favorites of yours. It is beautiful "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Great job! Truly amazing. I love the changing rhymes. Keep it up. *If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!* |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
lol D you keep bumping it -=We often get hurt when we trust someone we want them to be instead of who they really are=- |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
no I don't "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
nuff said --Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
lol you do too...quit it, and you know I haven't really been able to write after this one. I feel like I can't top it. It's an awful feeling...its like constant writer's block. i hate it...but ah well. SOMEthing will come to me.. -=We often get hurt when we trust someone we want them to be instead of who they really are=- |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
hey thats a really great poem..this person must be wicked special if your not giving up!! good job! *KiM* " im surrounded by people, but yet im still all alone" |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
quit what I'm not doing anything "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
DQ~ This is an amazing piece. I am really glad that acire keeps bumping it or I would of missed it. I give you 2 thumbs up girl. Keep it up!!! p.s.~This is going im my library! |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
I'm sorry that i missed this the first time, but i'm really glad i had the chance to read such a beautiful piece. this is really excellent writing, i hope i get to read more in the future. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
k time for this one to retire -=We often get hurt when we trust someone we want them to be instead of who they really are=- |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
people are still replying to it "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Beautiful poem. I thought I had replied to it before, but I guess not! You express your emotions really well in this one. *If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!* |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
nuh uh "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
WOW, this is the first time I read this poem and I have to say that IT KICKS ***!! Definitly going into my library. P.S. I think your cute  Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." ~Anonymous [This message has been edited by Low Man's Lyric (edited 04-18-2001).] |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
LOL Thank you Low Man...but that pic is like a year old -=We often get hurt when we trust someone we want them to be instead of who they really are=- |
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Angel Bee Member
since 2001-01-30
Posts 176Virginia |
I thought this was good. I know what you feel, and it goes away! :o) yay!! hehe Well, hope all gets better! Keep writing! :o) ~ab~ *~Sometimes just holding hands is holding on to everything.~* |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
is replying to a post the only way to add a poem to my library? |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Yes Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
If that picture is a year old I wonder how you must look now! Hmm lets see I think I can do this mathematicly...ok so that picture is a year old so that means about 356 days have passed since you had that taken ... so 1 x 356 = 356. So you are 356 times more cuter now then that year old pic  Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." ~Anonymous [This message has been edited by Low Man's Lyric (edited 04-19-2001).] |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
LOL whoa...LowMan...thank you -=We often get hurt when we trust someone we want them to be instead of who they really are=- |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
after 365 days more, they usually become beautiful/gorgeous "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Did it work Kiley? "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Yes your right acire, she isn't just cute but she is also beautiful. Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
LOL WHOA you two **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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