navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #4 » Oh Susanna
Teen Poetry #4
Post A Reply Post New Topic Oh Susanna Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

0 posted 2001-01-19 02:07 PM


Susanna waits at water's edge
Her whispers, faint on permafrost.
Toys with a daisy, magic hands;
Susanna loved companion lost.

Susanna waits for her to come
To show and tell of far away.
A child of a silent world;
Susanna's ali, lone and strayed.

Susanna stares into the deep,
The steady ripples driving mad.
A slow returning of a friend,
Susanna wishes she still had.

Susanna laughs, for never will
This child come to her again.
The daisy drops, now torn and black.
Susanna's ali, now her pen.

© Copyright 2001 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved
Morouxshi San
Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2001-01-19 02:13 PM


i loved it.

kinda my story poems and such but just in your style wich is unique.

loved it.


San, the wise
San, the dumb
San, the guy...

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
2 posted 2001-01-19 02:27 PM


Really good job of writing this one Carly, it's great!

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
3 posted 2001-01-19 02:29 PM


    

This is perfection!!!

I kneel and bow infront of you as a sign of respect

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR



Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-01-19 03:10 PM


nice one here. I liked this one a lot carly!




I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
5 posted 2001-01-19 05:44 PM


Really amazing, i must say!
well done!
-Allan

MidnightMaverick
Junior Member
since 2001-01-15
Posts 35
Duluth, MN, USA
6 posted 2001-01-19 05:57 PM


Awesome! Great writing!

Midnight Maverick

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
7 posted 2001-01-19 09:48 PM


Wonderful Child of the Stars! Excellent writing style. The flow in this is just lovely, and the sentiments bring the reader right into the mindset you've created ... very well done!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
8 posted 2001-01-20 09:25 AM


imagery? can some say I M A G E R Y ?
I saw this scene in my head, no doubt!
"Susanna stares into the deep,
The steady ripples driving mad.
A slow returning of a friend,
Susanna wishes she still had."

Are you serious? Publish.

~JDR

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

peanogrl83
Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202

9 posted 2001-01-20 10:04 AM


Beautiful piece! Was enjoyed. :.)

Vreni

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
10 posted 2001-01-20 11:51 AM


It was very good. I flow and the format really was well done. emjoyed the read.
Regina

IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

11 posted 2001-01-20 01:57 PM


Beautiful as usual.
~Jason

GirlsBestFriend
Member
since 2000-12-27
Posts 71
Planet Earth
12 posted 2001-01-20 11:23 PM


"magic hands"! go on Carly!!!

~lotsa luv


"Isn't it funny how to the world you are nothing? But then to one person..you're the world"

~sugarpie313~
Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375
Maine, USA
13 posted 2001-01-20 11:27 PM


great poem. i loved it.  i LOVED it

VALERIE

*...Remember your roots, my friend they're right down below, because heroes come and heroes go...* - Creed

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #4 » Oh Susanna

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary