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Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

0 posted 2001-01-19 01:22 AM

Greetings, fellows, here I am
I bring my wisdom to impart
I'm sure you'll find me kind and smart
but I hope you'll never find me

Set down my things, and don't unpack
and dazzle you with pretty lies
and sing of things that I despise
and bow as you applaud

But all my fears come out to dance
the strangers now become my friends
and this is where it always ends
applause ceases to be

You comprehension scorching me
as you learn how to feed me pain
it tells me I must not remain
I'm doomed to live abroad

Yet someone stops me in my tracks
while my pride and I elope
this stranger I can only hope
a stranger will forever be

Still leashed she is to all our friends
she cannot walk with me and pride
so in myself I must confide
she drags me back to you

(you just might detect an inch of symbolism in this piece... and yes, it is about something that really has been happening to me...)
< !signature-->

"Allan, don't ever be afraid to disappoint me" -Amanda (the most meaningful thing that has ever been said to me)

[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 01-19-2001).]

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

1 posted 2001-01-19 11:23 AM

I like how this is written, the words flow great. There's a lot being said in this one, great job on the poem.

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

2 posted 2001-01-19 02:15 PM

I really liked the symbolism in this one. I think I know what you were trying to get across, if not I got my own meaning out of it. Great Job.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-01-19 03:01 PM

I liked it Allan, not one of yer best, but still very nice.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Angel in Flight
Member

since 2001-01-07

Posts 381

4 posted 2001-02-19 08:00 PM

WOW! This is a very meaningfull and emotional poem. I Comment you on this piece. Wonderfully done my friend. ~*~Amanda~*~

The law of harvest is to reap more than you sow.Sow a habit and you reap a character.Sow a character and you reap a destiny

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

5 posted 2001-02-19 08:17 PM

Hey cool. I really like that! Keep writing!

"I am Canadian" - Joe
"When I find the right guy for me, I'll love him no matter what he does or what he's like"

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-02-19 10:46 PM

Haha ok I read it again and I liked it. I laughed cuz I forgot I read it.
Anyway......I thought this poem was nice...
Still couldn't probe the meaning though.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

HiddenSparklez
Member

since 2000-12-29

Posts 190
British Columbia, Canada

7 posted 2001-02-19 10:55 PM

Very mysterious I do believe... this one I really liked... why? I dunno, but I felt the words you chose to end the lines flowed together better.

"You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

8 posted 2001-02-20 03:36 AM

Allan:

I must confess, I know exactly what you're talking about. In fact, this piece taunted me, as it portrayed a lot of me quite well. I have a tendancy to be a tad self righteous at times, even haughty. BTW, the tad is an understatement. Sorry, I'm no good at dealing with shame, lol.

I did in fact detect symbolism. You rhyme scheme was slightly different as well. If memory serves, you often use an

a
b
c
b

rhyme scheme in these types of poems. Does this change indicate something?

If I could offer you any advice[assuming that what I've told you is similar to what you're going through] try to find your footing. In my experience the pride and self righteousness is often linked to an internal insecurity about what you're doing in life.

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

9 posted 2001-02-20 07:00 AM

Very nice form and pattern you've used here Allan. I've been away for 2 weeks, so the symbolism isn't quite clear to me, but you've worded this well. I very much enjoyed this piece. I hope things work out positively for you.

Best wishes,
/Kit

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

10 posted 2001-02-20 08:32 AM

this thing I posted a long time ago. why do people reply now?
symbolism? used to be. not any more tho.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

11 posted 2001-02-20 09:40 AM

Now how am I suppose to follow a reply like Fractal's

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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