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Teen Poetry #4
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Time
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Time |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
Time Endless since it's existence All yielding without resistance Always passing not slow or fast Putting history into the past Good, evil the both humble before its power They age with the minute, the day, and the hour You may want to ask the point of this rhyme The point of this rhyme is simply put, time Since most of my poems tend to be bloody versions of the world, I decided to make a somewhat dettached one, no real emotion here just a simple observation of something all things have in common. Hope ya like it. >¶Øʆ< |
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| © Copyright 2001 Tony Ryan Johnson - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Hey, I liked it. Using the word "rhyme" in order to compliment "time" seems a bit cheap though, in my opinion. I'd revise that with something like "a force so sublime." Just my honest opinion, though. I know you would want me to be honest, Poet. Still, i liked how you describe the effects and flow of time. Very well done. -Allan |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nice one here acid......i liked it. Mission complete.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
thanx allan, I'll take your advise and rework the ending. I doubt i'll use sublime but hey you never know. >¶Øʆ< |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Very awesome poem!! Keep it up!! |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I think this is really good how it is, maybe a change would help, I don't know. I like it a lot, good job  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
