Senryus as a reply to Allan (bit different)

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Angel in Flight
Member

since 2001-01-07

Posts 381

0 posted 2001-01-14 12:07 PM

Ok this is a bit "different' there are senryus put together to tell a story. You might not understand it because it is hard to explain, but if you are in need of explination please tell my and i will glaidly try to explain it to you. Also i am sorry i have not wrote anything happy lately its just alot is going on and i have to get it out sometime. So i am very sorry everyone.

I know you do care,
but help you just can not do
I do not need you.

alone i must be.
forever i've been alone
a mistake is me

things always go wrong,
and i often know not why
so i start to cry

no one knows my past
its something i do not tell
stay away from me please

Then i think again,
I know not why i do lie.
please dont leave my side.

< !signature-->

To do anyting LESS then your BEST is to SACRIFICE the GIFT!!!

[This message has been edited by Angel in Flight (edited 01-14-2001).]

Poet on Acid
Member

since 2001-01-07

Posts 325
Florida, USA

1 posted 2001-01-14 12:16 PM

damn it dude, nice one, what are we gunna call that writing form? I don't know if thats been done before or not, probably not. Great poem though, it paints the images of the story very clearly, keep it up.

>¶ØÊ†<

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-01-14 03:13 PM

We need you as much as you need us. Even though we're all teenagers with our own seperate lives we all come HERE, to passions, for a place to feel cared for. It's a sanctuary. Glad to know you'll let us give you hope and it shows by this reply to Allan.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-01-14 05:16 PM

I'm so flattered and touched that I won't point out the errors you made in your senryus. ~_^
Just remember not to be afraid to use apostrophes...

forever i have been alone
could be...
forever i've been alone...

Sorry to be this way, just trying to help you improve your senryu skills.
They were very nice, still.
-Allan

Eternal life without the darkness isn't life at all- it is a lobotomy.

Angel in Flight
Member

since 2001-01-07

Posts 381

4 posted 2001-01-14 05:23 PM

Thanks Allan
for correcting me i do want to learn how to do this right.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-01-14 07:43 PM

it's nice to always have someone there to try to help you.
that's exactly what i've never had all my life
noone sticks long enough to really help
you're a lucky person

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

Melster
Member

since 2000-12-09

Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia

6 posted 2001-01-14 07:48 PM

I am with Dopey here on this one... We are ALL here for you... we all come here to feel cared for and personally I always feel better after being here... I hope that things get better for you... This is a wonderful peice and I hope that we can help you at any time!!

Melz!!

You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already...

Angel in Flight
Member

since 2001-01-07

Posts 381

7 posted 2001-01-15 01:16 AM

Acrie, I am here for you even if i am a little messed up right now i promise i will stay even when the clouds are gray. I'll be there to light your day. No rhyme intended.

Melz~ i know you are all here for me and will do anything to make me ora nyone feel better. A family of friends WOW how true

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

8 posted 2001-01-15 01:10 PM

nice to see a lot of kindness in this forum. I really liked this one a lot.

~JDR

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

9 posted 2001-01-16 06:36 PM

I really like this, it's a great post

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

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