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Teen Poetry #4
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Bright_Eyes
Junior Member
since 2000-12-22
Posts 29
Plymouth, MN

0 posted 2001-01-12 09:21 PM



I can hear my heartbeat.
It whispers,
like water dripping through the trees.
My lonely heart is more pale
than the morning clouds that swim slowly through my fingers.
This whispering heart used to enjoy love,
until it bled from love's piercing arrow.
My pain flows like red wine from my intangible wounds.
My heart's silent screams shake the invisible walls.
The walls crack and deafen my ears,
but still his voice rings deep inside me.
Nevermore will I hear our hearts beating together.
Hot tears escape,
entangling in my eyelashes,
slowly they journey down my cheek.
I can hear my heartbeat,
whispering to stop.

~BECKY


© Copyright 2001 Rebecca Peterson - All Rights Reserved
Angel in Flight
Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381

1 posted 2001-01-12 09:33 PM


Dear Becky,
This is such a very sad story and it sounds like it is very hard for you. Just always Keep your head up, look toward the sky, remember where you came from it has gotten you this far, and dont forget your past it will help you one day in the present. Best of luck to you and i truly hope you will be alright in the end. Just remember I'm here for you if you need anything.

jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
2 posted 2001-01-12 11:18 PM


the title was brilliant
i really liked it, good meaning

~JDR

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
3 posted 2001-01-12 11:20 PM


Magnificent use of similies and metaphors.  Great imagery, i really love this poem.
You reminded me of something very important that I once had.
Thank you.
-Allan

Eternal life without the darkness isn't life at all- it is a lobotomy.


Melster
Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia
4 posted 2001-01-12 11:30 PM


This was beautiful Becky...  great job!!

Melz!!

You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already...

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-01-13 12:47 PM


Wow very nice poem. This was written beautifully. Good job on this one.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
6 posted 2001-01-14 08:34 PM


Magnificently done
My heart bleeds for you
BRAVO!!!  BRAVO!!!

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
7 posted 2001-01-14 10:15 PM


Sorrowful and powerful...some truly great images too.  Wonderful work, keep it up!  

*Krista Knutson*

I'm a slow dying flower
In a frost-killing hour
The sweet turning sour and untouchable...
-Natalie Merchant

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
8 posted 2001-01-17 03:46 PM


"It whispers,
like water dripping through the trees."

You did a really good job on this, thanks for sharing it with us.


"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

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