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Teen Poetry #4
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Angel in Flight
Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381


0 posted 2001-01-11 09:00 PM


A outcry in the outskirts but I gaze the other way.
A child pleas for avail but I retain her at bay
A hand reaches out to me but I propulsion it to far
how was I to cognize your life I would mar
Then when I hypothesized I ran straight to your side
but it was to late ......
you had already ....
died

© Copyright 2001 Amanda - All Rights Reserved
jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
1 posted 2001-01-11 09:40 PM


intriguing title i must state
sad sad ending tho...
i hope the next time your there on time!
best wishes

~JDR

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
2 posted 2001-01-11 10:06 PM


Powerful poem.  When the last line begins and ends such a signifigant event like that, it always takes the reader by surprise.
Well done indeed.

Eternal life without the darkness isn't life at all- it is a lobotomy.


Angel in Flight
Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381

3 posted 2001-01-11 10:12 PM


Well everyone usually I would say thank you to everyone but I am really in a most disterbing mood.  So please do not be upset if I do not respond to your reply. I am very sorry to you (crying) and i am sooo sorry.......



[This message has been edited by Angel in Flight (edited 01-11-2001).]

Bright_Eyes
Junior Member
since 2000-12-22
Posts 29
Plymouth, MN
4 posted 2001-01-11 10:45 PM


What a moving poem!  The end just totally caught me by suprise and I felt so sad.  I'm really sorry...nice writing.
~BECKY

Melster
Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia
5 posted 2001-01-12 03:58 AM


Great write...  the loss of someone soo close is hard, we are all here for you though if you ever need to talk...  I hope that you can soon overcome your pain and not regret the last moments...

MelZ!!

You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already...

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
6 posted 2001-01-12 11:39 AM


you know...you have such a way with your words
I mean, i'm relly very impressed with your poems
TALENT -- that you obviously have
In such short writes you express a mile long road of emotions
great write

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
7 posted 2001-01-12 01:25 PM


Nice one here.....quite sad though....very sad, in fact. Nonetheless it was a nice poem.


I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
8 posted 2001-01-12 03:06 PM


Powerfully written ending to this one, and they entire poem is very well written.  It is such a sad thing to have someone die, everyone thinks that they shoud have been able to help them, done more.  Please share more poems with us.

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Angel in Flight
Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381

9 posted 2001-02-03 06:52 PM


Bright eyes~ Thank you  

Melster~ Thank you, And i am fine now

Acire~ Thank you so much for what you said...   it means so much to me really it does.

dopey~ thank you for your comment on my poem

Lakewalker~ yes that is soo true. THank you for your reply it is greatly appreciated.

Thank you all for your replys
~"Amanda"~

What comes with love are tears of pain. What comes with hate are brighter days~ Amanda


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