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Open Poetry #12
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the heart of the city--Saturday night
| Open Poetry #12 |
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the heart of the city--Saturday night |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA 
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driving through the night sitting here on the bus we look at each other a group of people kinda like that painting, "Nighthawks" the night is our home but is it a home that we've chosen? or has it been chosen for us? we watch the lights as they go by wondering about the stories of the people he wonders about his own life as he watches the landscape change the time has come time for his life to move on it's Saturday night here in the heart of the city catch the next bus. . . ----------------------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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| © Copyright 2001 John Garcia - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Sven - tell it like it is, you have done well with this. BC |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Yes, I can see that now, the lonely people on the bus. Good write. Sandra |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I can see this in such detail Sven..........way to write! This is awesome  SEA |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Sven, the sense of isolation within the crowd is quite strong here, as is your defining movement and change for your protagonist by placing him aboard a moving bus with an ever changing landscape to observe and subsequently reflect upon his own life. A question I must ask ~ why does the POV change at S4? I find myself wanting to either continue with the "we, us" or change the beginning POV to "he, his" etc. Just an observation, dear Sven. It's a neat poem. (o: Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Bill, thanks. . . is there any other way?? Sandra, I see them every day. . . and we keep riding. . . thank you. . . SEA, thank you. . . glad that you enjoyed. . . Claire, the POV changes because I was trying to show that he is not only looking around himself. . . but that he was also looking AT himself. . . kind of a third-person POV. . . I don't know if it makes sense, but thanks for the question my friend. . . ------------------------------------------------------------ To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Tennessee Angel Senior Member
since 2000-06-03
Posts 661Tennessee |
Ah Sven! I always know that if your name is attached it's going to be a wonderful read and I sure wasn't disappointed here. Great Job! It's always good to pop in here and get my poetic-sven fix. |
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Just A Woman Senior Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 507 |
I love this reflection. And I have to echo Miss Tennessee Angel. "When people show you who they are, believe them" |
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Mother_Earth Senior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 13701/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan |
Sven, life is a ride no matter how you look at it. Keep going, hard telling what is at the end of the line. Good work. Hugs, ME |
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JLR Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785 |
I don't know what to say except I absolutely love this image. Inspired! |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
Sven this is a lovely, thought-provoking verse.....wonderful write! Nathan |
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Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
This reads as a sad piece, until, as pointed out, one changes his or her point of view... well done, Sir. |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Angel, thank you. . . I'm glad that I could give you that little needed thing. . . (: Just a Woman, thank you my friend. . . it's a new mirror. . . ME, I know. . . I just hope that it's worth the fare that I've paid. . . thank you my friend. . . JLR, thank you. . . it comes from riding a lot of buses. . .  Nate, thank you. . . glad you enjoyed. . . Lady in White, thank you. . . I'm glad that you saw that. . . --------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Interesting poem you have here, Sven. I do like it, but I think I might need to read it again! |
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