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PoeticKnight
Senior Member

since 2000-01-20

Posts 1144
New Orleans, LA

0 posted 2001-03-20 12:18 PM

You come and go as you traverse the sky
Oceans apart still we never shall fall
United beyond what passes these eyes
For no Earthly sum would we miss it all
From beginnings until ending’s sad sound
We never asked for anything like this
Just to keep heads in air and feet on ground
But we betrayed ourselves with a first kiss
Someday became one day then just never
As the noise grew louder, hands to my ears
The pain grew greater as I remembered
That the loudest sound was us with you here

Your beauty has been compared to the stars,
Your absence is the silence that they are

Katherine Chandler
Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 280
Florida, USA

1 posted 2001-03-20 12:52 PM

Very nice flow, loved the rhyme pattern too.

Kate

Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood.
T S Eliot

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2001-03-20 01:13 PM

PK....you made me cry....

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

3 posted 2001-03-20 01:13 PM

serenity sighs for sonnets...(how's zat for alliteration?

) gotta another one of yours!

AGAIN.

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

4 posted 2001-03-20 01:14 PM

PK, you have to show me how you do this. . . this is excellent. . .

-------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

5 posted 2001-03-20 01:24 PM

You come and go as you traverse the sky
Oceans apart still we never shall fall
United beyond what passes these eyes
For no Earthly sum would we miss it all
From beginnings until ending’s sad sound
We never asked for anything like this
Just to keep heads in air and feet on ground
But we betrayed ourselves with a first kiss
Someday became one day then just never
As the noise grew louder, hands to my ears
The pain grew greater as I remembered
That the loudest sound was us with you here

Your beauty has been compared to the stars,
Your absence is the silence that they are
====================

(too many lovely lines in this to pick...so Im not) *L*

well PK.. ya got them crying and sighing...
and begging ya to tell your secrets..
it dont get much better than that

and hey Sven .. I can answer that question...
"how does he do this?" ...
very very well *L*

and since you already know this one is a personal fav I will just say pretty soon Im gonna have to take a number to read you. *S*

cadence kissed verse of poetic phrasing perfection gifted poet sir.
very very nice.

We wish ourselves beautiful,
we cry in the night.
Its not the love you fear ...
its the fall from the height.
~Edwin McCain~

PoeticKnight
Senior Member

since 2000-01-20

Posts 1144
New Orleans, LA

6 posted 2001-03-20 02:11 PM

Thanks Kate, but its the form, not me.

Sunshine, stop that...*L*

Serenity, keep on collecting, I like that in a woman. *S*

Sven buddy, come on down to new orleans, and we'll have some drinks and try to talk about whatever it is that I do, for I have some questions for you also.

JM....what can I say? You always make me believe in what I write. And, I see my words thru your eyes...thanks.

Suetang
Member Ascendant

since 2001-03-07

Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia

7 posted 2001-03-20 07:22 PM

I thought this was beautiful and sad at the same time and I enjoyed it very much...Sue.

Suetang

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite

since 2000-03-06

Posts 3733
Michigan

8 posted 2001-03-20 07:46 PM

You write it exactly the way that it feels...I love how you've woven the excitement, the love, the anticipation...and then the pain all together into such an awesome poem. The flame of your poetry glows...

Meadowmuse
Member Elite

since 1999-12-27

Posts 3263

9 posted 2001-03-20 08:42 PM

Poetic Knight, a lovely, evocative write, to my way of thinking. Thanks for it.

Claire

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau

Nate Dogg
Senior Member

since 1999-11-15

Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton

10 posted 2001-03-21 11:43 PM

A very beautiful poem....brilliant job!!

Nathan

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